Wanting Broken Lucy

what happened?

* not edited *

Have you ever felt numb. Like you don't have any emotions, you can't feel. Well let me tell you, its not a nice feeling. I guess it might be if you intentionally cut yourself off from them but I didn't. But im happy they are gone, now i dont have to feel pain. I just don't feel anything, nothing, zip, nada. I can't see anything or physically feel anytning either. Guess that's what happens to trauma victims. Huh, never thought I could say I was a trauma victim.

Growing up, I lived like any other girl with a single parent. My father raised me to be the obediant shell of a girl I am now. How is growing up like that normal? You ask. I didn't start being treated that way till me early teens.

Believe it or not in elementary school I was the brave, outgoing girl who had a bright future ahead of me. Look at me now, pretty pathetic how I turned out. But I guess I can't blame myself, I mean, How would you turn out with a father like mine?

I never met my mother, she died bringing me into the world. It wasn't worth her to die over. My birth fell under a rare category. Which is the one where either the baby lives, or the mother. Already being In love with my unborn self my mom chose me. She could've made another baby but you couldn't have made another her. Just by looking at the only picture I have of her I could already tell, I would've loved her. Their was this kindness and motherly aura shining in her eyes. I look just like her, from her raven black hair to her beautiful electric blue eyes. While her features were lively and beautiful mine were dull and dead.

I was adopted by Father when I was three, being the naive child I was I thought he was the perfect father figure. He would buy me ice cream, play with me, scare away boys in my early middle school days. Heck, j was the happiest person alive. But one day he changed, something snapped and he became the evil man he is today. I later found out that this something was him witnessing a murder. I guess it intrigued him. I don't know, all I know is that he liked it.  Hence my scars. Both emotional and physical.

The once out-going, brilliant child I was turned into a shell of a girl who cut herself to relieve the stress. Making me weak. As you all know the world is a game of survival of the fittest. And I'm just not cut out for it.

Maybe that was why all this shit happened to me. Huh, its been a while since I cursed. But still I dont know what I did to deserve being adopted by that man. That evil, sadistic man who burned down the house with me in it because he was bored!

I've been in the hospital for two weeks now. I can't walk because of the second degree burns on my back and my right leg was crushed when I feel down the stairs. Leaving permanent damage, I'll be lucky to be able to walk with crutches. My shoulder healed and so did my fingers and toes.

In this time Taylor hasn't stopped visiting. He visits everyday, even on weekends. He told the doctors he was the only person I have left. And the sad thing? He may be right. I feel kinda bad though I never talk. I haven't since the fire.

He's here right now, once again I'm not talking.

"Hey Lucy?" He said waving a hand in front of my face.

I turned to look at him.

"Um... my mom and dad were talking about taking you in."

I stared wide eyed at him. Somone still wants me? They want me to be apart of the family.

"You'd be apart of the family ya know, we will treat you like family. You won't be the girl who was adopted, you'll be one of us. If you want of course"

And for the first time in along time, I spoke with confidence.

"I can't"

"Why not?" He asked confused.

"Because I'll be a nuisance, I have no family, no home. And I accept that. Ive never had a family and I'm OK with that. And on my birthday I'll be 18 so I will buy an apartment"

Taylor stood up angrily" I can't let you do that the paper work has been filed and you'll be living with us, please you need a home. And I'll give it t you"

"I can't let you and your family do that"

"Yes you can! Please, just let us help you. We want to"

He finally broke down my wall, sighing I replied" I guess it can't hurt"

People just love to prove me wrong though.