Wanting Broken Lucy

the begining

"Whore"

A kick to the ribs.

"Slut"

A kick to the back.

"Tramp"

A kick to the neck making me choke.

"fucking bitch"

A kick to the head.

"maybe next time you'll show some respect" said my main tormenter, Nick Thompson.

"I'm s-sorry" I said tear streaming down my face.

"whatever, why dont you just die? just get your ugly fat ass out of my school" said Nick.

"o-okay" I said picking up my backpack and running out of the gates listening to the deafening laughter of my fellow classmates.

I've been bullied since middle school. I was a happy person with lots of friends but it took one new girl to turn everything upside down. I doubt she meant it but she also didn't stop the bullying. she was a transfer student and instantly became popular. people forgot about me and eventually started bullying me, all my friends left me and I became alone once again.

'why' I thought. I get abused everyday by my classmates and my father. I don't know what I did to deserve their scorn.

I mean I'm the girl who sits in the back, never raises her hand so I won't draw attention. I always wear my gray hoodie and jeans. granted its usually to hide my bruises and scars. ya I'm the nerd who always reads, but that's so I don't have to listen to the mean rumors about me.

so what have I done.

is this karma for killing my mother?

before you judge let me explain, my mother died while giving birth to me. I never knew my father either. When I was one month old I was put in an orphanage, I'm guessing my father couldn't bear the sight of the one who killed his love. that's what my adoptive father told me at least, I made up the last part though.

at least I'm not bleeding though. I thought looking on the positive side.

When I get home if I'm quiet I can quickly make father dinner I can go upstairs and avoid further abuse.

I turned down the road leading to my house. we live in a a regular neighborhood with the woods as every ones backyard. only difference is I go down a dirt road in between two houses and there is my house, surrounded by the woods.

i turned down the dirt road and let out a sigh of relief when I noticed his car wasn't there.

My house is a two story, two bedroom, two bath. when you walk in you see the living room. the couch is in the middle of the room with the tv in front of it and a recliner to the side. if you keep walking straight from the door there is the kitchen I'm not gonna explain it. its very cliché. there is a second door in the living room that leads to my fathers room. I am forbidden to go in there. the stairs lead to the attic, my room.

my bed is just a matress with a sheet cover, one pillow and a thin blanket. I have one window and no books. I have to go to the public library and school library if I want to books to read since my father won't buy me anything new.

I briskly walked down the dirt road and went into the kitchen, making his dinner as fast as possible. I made him a well-done steak with corn and a baked potato on the side.

I then warmed up a frozen hamburger for me and went upstairs to my room to do homework.

when I was done eating I took a quick shower.

I got out and wiped the steam from the mirror and stared at the girl trapped in the glass. With her black hair that ends at the middle of her back. Her lifeless, emotion less baby blue eyes and her pale skin. with a petite, curve less body. The bruises ruining the flawless skin, the scars up and down her arms.

you would never guess that this girl is a cutter.

that this girl is abused.

that she is bullied.

that she used to feel.

that she was once a loud outgoing person.

that this shell of a girl is me.

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I woke up to the blinding sunlight streaming through my window since father wouldn't buy curtains or blinds.

I quickly got dressed in dark jeans, a black shirt, converse, and my gray hoodie that sags in the back with black converse. Also my gray jacket but I call it my hoodie.

I went downstairs and made some toast and ate an apple.

Father is never home in the mornings. he is at work. he loads tiles and drives them places, so I am home alone days at a time. which is good for me.

Since I was adopted it has always been just me and Father, I've never had a mother figure in my life.

I don't own a car so I have to wake up earlier than most and walk an hour to school.

I grabbed my backpack, which is black, and walked to school.

When I got there I kept my head down and walked to my locker.

I hurried to grab my books and get to class before I was noticed.

I shut my locker and turned to go to class when the front doors opened and in walked a group of girls and boys. no not boys Men.

They seemed nice enough but they seemed......guarded. Like they didn't want to get to know any one. no that's not right it was more like they didn't want anyone to know them. like they had a secret. Not to add the fact that I know from experience that looks don't always classify a person on the inside.

My eyes instantly landed on one guy. He had short brown hair and vibrant green eyes. he was built but not overly so.

He looked up and locked eyes with me. For some reason I swear I saw pain in them. For what? I don't know and I doubt I wanted to know.

These aren't the kind of people I should associate with.

wait what am I saying? that would mean that they want to associate with me, which I highly doubt.

So then why is green-eyes walking this way?