You know your characters, you know their strengths and you know their weaknesses, but can your character survive a holiday from hell at the Campsite of Doom?
Entries 36/48
Our judges have been busy reading through your scenes, all those with a ✅ next to them, congratulations you are through to the next round. Unfortunately if you find a ❌ by your name it means you will not be progressing any further in this contest.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The writing was OK; there were grammatical mistakes and spelling errors here and there. I enjoyed The dialogue written between Greybo and Leon. Overall, I thought the sentence structure could have flowed a lot better too. I had trouble getting behind the character and scene.
"I loved the style of writing in this scene. The character is interesting and dynamic, and the interactions between her and Greybo are short, but well placed. The author dealt with the situation in a unique way to get their character to escape via the hatch in the roof. This was really cool. There were some grammatical mistakes and spelling errors, but nothing serious
Although this scene was littered with tense issues., I did rather later it. Blakey is an interesting character and I would love to see how well an Alpha werewolf does in the next round.
I like it, although I had some issues following Adelia and what she was doing. I also don't know if I like her character? She seems kind of edgy, but that's okay, I guess. I think there could have been more done about how the hell she ended up in modern times, and there were parts of the prose that felt way too embellished and other parts where I was confused what was happening, but, as a whole, it's solidly okay.
I really appreciate that the box of decorations was used as an actual prop in this scene; it makes it seem less like a random item to be dodged! I do feel like the bit about how she got around the jump rope was kind of... unnecessary, but I enjoyed how succinct the scene was and how it covered all the bases without being too long-winded. It also seems to highlight Yili as a character as well.
I loved how she showed shat was going on instead of just telling. I found she built up the suspense. The grammar was nicely edited and I enjoyed reading it overall. I'm super picky about first person and I found she didn't use the word "I" too often which was nice as well.
This wasn't the best scene ever, but it was solidly okay. There is good characterization of Raven and Larry, which I appreciated, and some actual details about things going on around her. I do feel like the part of her dodging things in the bus' walkway was too long, and there were some very poor word choices throughout, but it was overall passable.
