Not Just A Reunion

Not Just A Reunion - Part 1

I sigh as I close my laptop, therefor refusing to answer what is probably the tenth email about this reunion thing. Doubts enter my mind instantly and it won't quiet down up there. Thoughts keep interrupting my peace, enthusiasm and anxiety are fighting for the top spot.

Of course this whole idea of a reunion with Fifth Harmony sounds amazing. The idea of singing together with my girls again makes an immediate smile appear on my face that I can't control. I'm sure the fans would love it, selling tickets for the show would never be a problem.

I know it almost sounds arrogant. But with the world wide success our group has had for all those years it would be too humble to think that one reunion show would be enough to satisfy fans all over the world.

But then there's the anxiety. How on earth are we ever going to pick up where we left off? After 10 years of success we all went our separate ways, made our own individual careers. Will we be able to be as in sync with each other as we used to be that easily? I'm getting nervous just thinking about it..

I feel like we could learn to be in sync again, we've worked together for so long that it maybe just needs a little practice. I've always stayed in contact with everybody too, remained great friends, sisters even. There's absolutely still a big connection there with all of them.

Although.. all of them but one.

I think Lauren and I might have had the most public break-up in the history of showbiz. Obviously we played our own part in it as well. But after two years of hiding our relationship the urge to be open and honest and to be recognized as a couple became unbearable. The second we finally went public we unconsciously overshared with the world. The feeling of finally being able to freely show our love without having to keep it a secret made our relationship something that turned out to belong more to the public than to us.

It felt like our relationship was for the world to see, nothing felt private anymore. If I look back on it I think that that's where it all went south. The pressure of being this perfect couple, role models for the LGBTQ+ community and the millions of opinions that came our way is what drove us apart. It even made me yearn to the secrecy at times again.

Suddenly I'm shaken up out of my thoughts by my buzzing phone. At the screen appears Dinah's face for an incoming call. I sigh as I already know what she wants to talk about: she wants to convince me. All of them have said yes. Ally, Normani, Dinah and even Lauren have agreed to this reunion show.

I'm the only one left who is hesitant.

I keep watching my phone buzz without answering it, not being able to face the pressure Dinah is going to put me under to 'just suck it up and say yes already', as she told me a few times before. After a few more seconds it stops ringing and Dinah's face disappears from my screen. I feel a little relieved to have avoided to answer right now.

Because how could I make this choice? How am I supposed to face Lauren again and be on stage with her together? I'm sure a lot of fans will only focus on that part which would take the focus off the whole reunion.

I shudder a little at the thought and realize that I'm not comfortable with that amount of attention anymore. And besides the fans, I'm not sure Lauren and I want to be on the same stage again.

When we broke up 5 years ago, we weren't on bad terms at all. There was no drama, no big reason. We just grew apart, though that's not what the media thought it was. Because the band broke up pretty quickly after that, everybody blamed mine and Lauren's break-up even more.

But we've remained friends for a while, both dated other people and even met each other's new partners too. But as a lot of friendships go, we started to lose sight of each other. Both starting our new lives with new people, new careers, and we weren't a part of those new lives for each other anymore.