Bad Habits | Herophine #1

XIX

-Elijah's Song-

I smiled and knew who the extended hand asking me to dance without a word belonged to.

The navy blue velvet suit, the piercings in his ears and the rings on his fingers were hard to miss. "Eli..." I began but he placed his index finger onto his lips beckoning me to follow him with kind eyes, eyes that could only belong to my sweet Elijah. 

My own eyes began to water as I took his hand and silently walked along with him to the dance floor, Niall Horan's Put a Little Love On Me rang in my ears as he spun me around once, pulling my body toward his, his left hand on my waist and his right one holding onto mine as we swayed to the mellow melody, my hands almost immediately found the back of his neck, his blonde curls were gone and he was back to being the raven haired boy I met freshman year of Pomona, however this was not the same kid, his five o'clock shadow and the taut muscles under his suit told a different story.

 From the corner of my eye I saw Logan and River excitedly covering their mouths, then I realized we were the only ones on the dance floor, I felt the tear I was holding back roll down my cheek but his thumb quickly brushed it away. I placed my head on his chest, his chin rested on the top of my head after he kissed it softly as we continued to move to and fro to the suave romantic words Niall was singing.

I've still got so much love hidden beneath this skin

So darlingPut a little love on mePut a little love on meWhen the lights come up and there's no shadows dancingI look around as my heart is collapsing'Cause you're the only one I needTo put a little love on me

After the song was over, I woke up from my bliss to a kiss on the cheek from Elijah, I was happy but I was overwhelmed, between the applause from the guests and knowing that plenty of eyes were on us made me tremble in nervousness, I ran out of the reception hall to get some fresh air, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself to prevent the cool air from making me colder than what I already was. "Fae..." I shut my eyes tight not wanting to look at Elijah who had chased me to the main hallway. I felt him turn me around by the arms. "Fae, look at me..." 

I shook my head no and sniffled as my face gave away that if I so much as laid an eye on him, I'd cry for sure. "Faith, look at me..." He repeated, I opened my eyes just a tiny sliver. "That's it... Look at me..." I stared back into his brown eyes. "I'm sorry." I blurted. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, I'm sorry I chose someone over our friendship, I'm so sorry!" I sank into his chest as he wrapped his strong arms around me, I didn't notice when he'd taken off his suit jacket, but it was around me now and all I smelled was his perfume. 

"No, no, that's done... It's over... Bygones..." He hugged me tight to his chest and I felt the forgiveness drip off of him. "Hey, hey..." He pulled back to look at my mess of a face, his smile made it slightly better. "Who loves you?" He asked raising a brow and making me laugh as this was a joke from sophomore year, I wiped more salty tears from my face as I replied. "Elijah loves me..." He nodded. "That's right, no Brit is changing that... I'm sorry for not letting you up to see me. It was wrong." I smiled and hugged him myself now.  

***

"For a while I thought we weren't going to speak ever again..." I confessed as I dipped my plastic spoon into my ice cream, we ditched the wedding for Häagen-Dazs at my house ⁠—with River and Logan's permission of course— "I thought about it..." He professed, I angled my head in disbelief as I sat on my couch playfully kicking at him. "I can't begin to tell you how many times I was ready to call you, Hailey even pushed me to do it all the time, she was convinced that the feud between us was stupid. Besides, pretty much everything in my house, my phone and my car reminded me of you so really there was no way I could get away with not thinking about my best friend. 

"Hailey..." I smiled sympathetically. "What happened...?" I asked as he went on to tell me what transpired between the two of them. "It was good at first, real good, sweet, she was like a breath of fresh air for a while, you were a witness, who accused me of being whipped, I told you she wasn't for me she just hadn't figured it out, but then she did, she woke up and found out she needed a rough around the edges kind of guy is what she called it. I became too simple for her." He smiled back at me shrugging after. 

"We're still friends though. I told her I was coming tonight, she said I'd be an asshole not to come." He looked down at his empty cup, I could tell he wanted to ask about Jax, in all honesty I don't know if I was up to speaking about him anyway. "It was beyond wrong what he did Fae..." He said not holding back. "Don't Eli... I don't want to go there." I finished my vanilla ice cream and threw out my cup. "Why don't you come over this week?" I quickly changed the subject not wanting to get into it. "I need help setting up my new bed and redoing my room for the most part." Elijah dramatically clasped his chest. "The loft bed is going bye bye? Oh my, the end of an era." He mocked, I punched him. "A very pain in the ass era." 

***

Logan and River left to their honeymoon straight away after the party was over, meaning the house was all mine for the time being, they booked a three week trip to St. Lucia and Barbados,  and so far it was only week one. I tossed for the last time in this God forsaken loft bed as the call of the void I got last week at the party was louder, clearer than the day of the wedding. I showered and got my mundane morning activities out of the way before getting into my car and driving to the place I once walked out of, why? I have no fucking clue. I guess I wanted a clear answer now that I was a bit over it —Or was I?— The concierge opened the crystal front door to the lobby and asked who I was looking for, "Jax Beckett." 

He pulled out a log and let me by after I signed it, memories of all the things I experienced in this condo flooded my mind, I hesitated not once, but twice I almost walked away, until my fist connected to the door. I waited a few minutes until a fresh faced and pixie cut Hailey appeared out of nowhere. "He's not there..." She informed me with an apologetic smile on her face, she greeted me warmly with a hug, she explained that she lived on the other side of the hallway and saw my car pull up. "Do you know when he'll be back?" 

She shook her head as I noticed she held something in her hands and she handed it to me, my overalls and crop top from that night, the night I gave myself to Jax. I took in a sharp breath.  "He's gone back home Faith..." I was in disbelief, was he such a coward that he had to fly eleven hours and twenty-five minutes to get away from me? "No, I need better answers than this Hailey..." I shook my head. "I need to understand." My green eyes began to flood again, I powered my emotions down, anger was beginning to fill my entire being. "What was I Hailey? A cheap fuck in the back seat on a Sunday night, one more on his rotation?" Her eyes looked hurt, she knew more than she let on.

"I don't have those answers for you Faith, and I'm so sorry, but I suppose he's moved on, maybe you should too." Her eyes were sad, like she felt for me, she shrugged and with that, she disappeared into her own apartment. Once again I was left with no answers, no proper explanations, I felt as if I'd done something wrong, when all I did was be there. With a small nod and a quick blink of my eyes, I gathered the rest of my shame and headed on home.