Bad Habits | Herophine #1

XVII

-Trial & Error-

*Jax's POV*

I know all of you must hate me right now, I don't blame you, it was a shitty move, trust me I know, I'm living with it. I didn't mean for it to happen the way it did. I didn't mean to hurt her, what I should've done is got out of the car and apologized, kiss her, and bring her back to my place and given her a place in my life, or assure her that she was officially the only person I wanted to be involved with sentimentally, physically, all of it.

I'm not going to bore you with a sob story about someone who did me wrong in the past, this is not the case, I just function better when in solitude, I've been friends with it ever since I can remember, nothing's tied me down, not a job, not school, a relationship or location. At twenty-three I've lived in about four different countries, this is the longest I've stayed in a place, but in the few months I spent with Faith I just knew she'd change my mind on the matter, passing out in my arms, was probably the best thing that ever happened to my life and if I had to restart and do it over, I wouldn't choose another beginning other than that one.

 I was falling for her before I even realized it,I fell for her the minute she slipped into my arms and incoherently called me cute. But, how could I accept what she had to offer when I didn't know how to reciprocate the feeling? or the actions for that matter. I had my father's problems on my back as the oldest, I was in charge of his properties that weren't seized, his lawyers, adjusting the payroll and making sure he was okay in prison as well as following any specific instructions he had for me.

Today was the first day of his trial, I adjusted my tie and smoothed out my black button down shirt, I drove to the courthouse alone, Hailey wouldn't come, the thought of seeing our father handcuffed, in prison attire instead of his usual suit and tie, whilst being judged was enough to give her break down so I didn't force her to come with me, she sought refuge in Elijah instead, which I appreciated because with this whole mess and what I'd done to Faith I don't think I could deal with anyone else's emotions. 

I walked in the courtroom where my father's trial was being held, taking a seat in the row right behind him, I reached forward and touched his shoulder to let him know I was here, he turned and gave me the brightest of smiles, I immediately understood he was at peace with what was happening, my father always held his own when it was time to man up and face his problems, or hold himself accountable for his rash decisions. 

I'm afraid I'm not his reincarnation in that sense, I couldn't even admit to myself that I was falling in love. The bailiff spoke snapping me out of my thoughts. "All rise, Department three of the superior court is now in session, Judge Hawthorne presiding." The judge, an attractive dark skinned woman who resembled Halle Berry because of her haircut entered the room and commanded us to be seated. 

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen." Her voice echoed on the walls of the spacious room, but I felt like I was suffocating. "Calling the case of the people of the state of California versus Lars Beckett, are both sides ready?" Both sides nodded and said they were ready. After their introductory speeches they asked my father how he plead. "Guilty, your honor." His voice in comparison to the judge's boomed off the walls despite him speaking softly. 

Pretty soon evidence of the tax fraud my father had committed was brought out to light, despite me not condoning this, I had to admit my father had a head for hiding things if all of this was in the span of almost ten years, the defense and DA gave their closing statements and the judge sent the jury to deliberate, they were back within seven minutes. "Will the jury foreperson please stand? Has the jury reached a unanimous verdict?" The foreperson handed the note to the judge after declaring him guilty and sentencing him to five years with possibility of parole for it being his first offense, I wiped my face to avoid the tears from falling, I'm pretty sure my father wouldn't approve of publicly displaying weakness, then again my father was a walking contradiction. Just like me.

I hugged my father goodbye and promised to visit soon.

***

I roamed my house aimlessly no knowing what to do with the weight I was carrying on my shoulders, sure my father and I never saw eye to eye, but I didn't have to travel miles to visit him, to see him face to face, he was always within arms reach. I was getting phone calls from everyone, every single person except the person who's voice I really needed to hear, I'd never felt so sorry in my life, I knew it wasn't a permanent solution, but I had to numb the pain of losing two people in the same week, I dove into my liquor stash, reaching for the plain vodka at the back of the cabinet, I was now hurt, drunk and calling, calling the only person who I probably shouldn't be calling, I got her voicemail. 

"Hey Faith, I'm drunk, kind of the same drunk you were when you landed in my arms all those months ago, remember? I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and that I'm a coward, and that I hope you forgive me, I just wanted you to know I love you, and you have every right to be claimed, even if I'm not the right guy for you." I pressed star and deleted the message after I was done pouring my heart out, she'd never receive that message, the narcissist coward in me wouldn't allow it. I wallowed further into a drunken void after I turned my phone off.

The next morning I woke up with a brain splitting headache, and the pounding on my door didn't help it much, I rolled lazily off my couch and headed for the door, a now short haired Hailey pushed past me. "Sure Hails, come on in." I said groggily. "You've had your phone off for two days Jax, do you realize how long I've been worried sick you fucking wanker?" She yelled at me and I had to walk over to her and cover her mouth. "One, please don't yell. Second, what do you mean two days? Dad's trial was yesterday..." She interrupted just when I was about to ask what happened to her hair. "No, dad's trial was the day before yesterday Jax." She walked around finding the evidence of why I was lost in the week. "You've been drinking? No wonder you've got no clue what fucking day it is..." She threw away the three bottles of vodka I'd drank successfully two days ago. "Go take a shower, you reek of Smirnoff..." She rolled her eyes at me as I retreated to shower. 

Once I stepped out, she'd set up a red Gatorade and Advil for me, we spoke about dad, when I planned to visit, and ultimately ended up on the topic of her hair. "You buzzed your hair Hailey, what happened...?" I asked holding a cool pack on my head, she shrugged. "I dumped Elijah the day of dad's trial..." She looked down at her nails, I sat up on the couch and looked at her. "Why? Did he do something?" She smiled and shook her head. "He's sweet, but he's not for me Jax, I need someone with a little roughness around the edges, Elijah is prim and proper." I smiled. "Yeah, I get it... You live and you learn eh?" She smiled back at me and nodded. "I heard you dropped Faith, like you do everyone." She may as well have broken the Smirnoff bottle and stabbed me in the chest with it. "Where'd you hear that?" I asked knowing the answer. 

"Elijah may not speak to Faith, but Logan, Faith's sister does... So... Grapevine..." She said confirming what I already suspected. "Fair enough." She stood up, her mauve dress covering her toes. "Come on you sap, I won't reprimand you on letting go of probably the only girl who'd be crazy enough to fall in love with you, even though it was dumb. I know why you do it, but you do owe the girl at least an apology." She searched through her bag tossing me the keys to her red modern Mustang. "Come on, let's go to Malibu, you can put the top down." She walked out of my apartment making me follow after her.