You and me college years lams

chapter 22

John Pov

I woke up at 6 AM so i can wake up before Alex I get dressed real quick but then notice Alex wasn't in his bed so he's on the couch now i have to be extremely quiet  so i tiptoe to the living room area and Alex is sitting on the couch watching some movie in a different language coffee and newspaper in hand he's wearing a pair of glasses that I've never seen before sliding down his nose he looked adorable but now i can't surprise him with breakfast in bed or I guess-

"John whatcha doing up so early" he said never taking his eyes off the crossword in the newspaper

"I was trying to surprise you with breakfast" having a pouty face on swinging myself onto the couch

"Aww John that's sweet but i don't eat breakfast" he said taking off his glasses staring at me with  a this cute side smile

"What who doesn't eat breakfast" i said looking at him like he just grew another head

"Me i don't can never really eat so early" he said scrunching up his nose

"Oh well .... ok well we can go and grab lunch around noon how's that sound" I said looking at him hopefully

"Um let me check my... work schedule real quick and make sure" he pulled up something on his phone and started mumbling to himself

Uh can we do two instead"

"I have class at two"

"Ok when do you get out"

"Like four"

Ok let's do early dinner then"

Yes perfect ok... I guess i can go back to sleep then"

"Yeah i better get ready"

" for what"

"Work"

"You work from now til two"

" ...no but uh i'm going to run some Arron's before work"

"Well I could tag along and help"

"Oh no there just some things i need to do for Washington boring stuff" he hurried his sentence and kinda talked with his hands a bit but once he noticed he threw his hands behind his back and gave a nervous smile there was a awkward moment  that lingered in the air for a moment

"Ok see you at four" i said awkwardly

"It's a date" he said as he walked into the bathroom with some clothes I couldn't help but feel giddy

Alex POV

I went into the bathroom and then I jumped into the shower as I was washing my  body my hand creepted across the familiar scabbed wounds on my arm I took a second to really think about it but then the voice crept in telling me this is what i needed what i wanted so I gave in I didn't know what else to do so I grabbed a razor in one of my secret compartments in the bathroom but instead of my arms  because I knew i had chemo today I sat down on the side of the tub I began to cut the flesh on my legs first it felt amazing it felt like all of life's pressures were just seeping away but then as soon as that good feeling was there it was gone just as quickly all of life's noises came creeping back into my mind so I cut again again again again but I had to stop There's way too much blood all over the floor right on my leg seeping out and I didn't know what to do I threw my razor onto the counter I got up I got a wet rag and I fixed my wounds  then I wiped up the word skin as I can and covered the rest up with the rug I need to stop fixating on this cause if I keep doing this someone's going to find out again I can't let that happen this is all I have or they don't stop me they stop Loving me if they stop loving me who will no one is I don't have anyone just for right now I have them so maybe just maybe I can stop