The Rain

Chapter 6

A V A

I can finally feel the emotions that are delayed from earlier on today, home wouldn't be home anymore. He was hardly ever here but knowing that his stuff won't be around, and he won't be here to be my father when I need him makes me want to cry even harder. The lasting tears are flowing along with new ones, for the fresh emotions I feel.

Tears stream down my face as I stare at the wall with a picture of my family at Christmas time, I want to go back to the time where -to me- we were all truly happy. I know deep down that this divorce is definitely for the best, that the smiles in these photographs weren't there to resemble being happy, they were there to show visitors that as far as anyone was concerned- we were fine.

Dad still hasn't come home, it's been four days and finally the trail period was coming to an end. Nothing about my day to day life had changed. I knew this, but I don't like change. I couldn't help but ponder whether hearing their squabbling day in, day out was a sign after all. They didn't deserve to be in a relationship that they weren't happy in, I can't expect them to stay together for the sake of me. It would have been a bit of double standards otherwise, they wouldn't expect me to stay with someone that I didn't get along with for the rest of my life.

Refusing to speak to my mother has been surprisingly hard, I finally decided that it was easier to avoid her than ignore her. I suspected she discovered my not-so-discreate- plan and has quite literally taken it in offence, let's just say that I have been living off of jam sandwiches and getting to college on my own. As of these last few days I don't even care, about anything. I feel like getting up and escaping to another life. Just like my father has done, he doesn't want to love me anymore. When he chose not to love my mother anymore, he chose not to love me either.

Collage lessons have gone in a blur, it settles with me not writing notes while staring aimlessly at a random wall wondering if I will ever have my family back together, while a stupid teacher goes on about nothing in particular in relation to a subject that I don't even care about, and wish would go away. Through my excessive thoughts I have discovered that I am very alone in life, with no friends to my name I'm finding that my life has become quite strenuous as of late. I fear that if I don't find a way out of this I will turn out life my mother, which is something I really don't want to happen.

My mother won't let me have friends, she says any person in my life -aside from her of course- would be a bad influence on my kind nature, to have them anywhere near me would be an absolute travesty. What my mum doesn't say out-loud is that she doesn't want me growing up with the likes of drugs, parties and alcohol anywhere close to my being. Which thanks to her are things I have never experienced- ever!

Another thing my mother won't let me have is a car, or a licence for that matter. I always have to rely on my feet to take me where I need to go. I lug my college supplies behind me, something that I've grown to hate doing since attending college. The corridors don't feel the same as the ones in school, they are a bit too bland - or rather lack in colour. I pass the music block on my voyage towards the exit, it's a route that I take occasionally to brighten up my dull day with a tune to put me in the right mood.

This time passing the block was different. Of course, it was different, of course I had to allow my eyes to catch the one thing I desired I'd never have to lay eyes on again- that barista guy. The dreamy blonde guy, the guy that I scared the shit out of. The one that I felt the need to understand. I stop directly under the door frame, toes not quite over the threshold. Hesitant is the only thing that I could describe how I felt, and I didn't know why. It's almost as if we weren't to meet this soon and fate is intercepting while it still can, un-allowing any further interaction between us. Listening closely to what he's performing, I find myself completely in awe. His fingers strum effortlessly over the guitar in hand. Envious how he plays so elegantly. "Every time you have to go, shut my eyes and you know"

Nothing was really stopping me from saying 'Hello' to him, yet everything was as well. Being here didn't feel right, something is meant to be different. Almost as if I've managed to get a sneak peek behind the curtain, to see what is in store. So, I leave him uninterrupted, quite happily in his own mind and music, hoping he hadn't seen me gawking from the corner of his perfectly blue eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*

There was nothing colourful about where I live, the streets are grey. Everything is grey. At this point even, my mood is feeling a bit grey from just walking the pavement. I need something in my life that doesn't make me feel like I'm a 40-year-old, there needs to be colour put back into my life through any means necessary.

"Need a lift?" A voice calls from the slowing down vehicle aside from me, I glace at the corner of my eye hoping to god that the remark wasn't aimed at me. I notice that it is in fact, the guy that I still don't know the name of who works in that coffee shop on the other side of town. The one that can sing stupidly well. I smile at the blue-eyed boy, pondering at his intentions. Something has sparked an interest in him about me, he wants to be my friend. Maybe earlier was just my over-thinking kicking in.

"Now, how am I meant to get into your car if I don't even know your name" I joke, feeling that I am very comfortable around him considering I hardly know the guy. I'm at ease and willing to talk, something that I scarcely ever feel contented doing. He must be special somehow.

"George" Is all he answers, before I confidently yank open to door to his black beat-up sporty looking car. It's a good car from what I can tell, not that I know much about cars at all. I glance a few times over to George while he continues to drive, ensuring myself that it was the right move to make by getting into his car. He looks like a George, a George that is insanely good looking. None of these thoughts will leave my mouth, but thinking about a guy makes a difference when all you can usually think about is the lack of boys there is In your life.

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Update, cool, calm as a cucumber

Ready for sunday

Comment what you think

Abi xxx