The Switch Hitter (GxG)

Chapter 17

I chucked my practically overflowing backpack into the passenger seat, then slammed the door to my truck shut. I slumped behind the wheel, feeling the muscles in my shoulders relax as the physical weight was lifted off it. Metaphorically, however, I could barely stand upright. It was Wednesday, and after only two days this week had managed to become one of the hardest of the entire year. The workload was picking up again after a couple week's grace period following Christmas break. Between my talent for procrastination and bitchy teachers, I had more homework than ever. Plus, I still had open gyms three nights a week, and tryouts were the second week of February, three weeks from now. Which meant that I should be focusing on my game even more than I had been before. Yet it was a little hard for me to focus on anything academic or athletic at the moment. 

All I wanted to do was go talk to Ari. 

Even after six days she was still giving me the cold shoulder. When I saw her at school, she would ignore me, walk past like I wasn't there. It was even worse during softball; I could feel her anger radiating from across the gym. I just wished I could talk to her, regain her trust, tell her what really happened.

But every time I went up to her and tried she turned away, leaving me alone. 

Part of me wanted to blame Alyssa for it, blame her for screwing up everything good I had done in the last four months, but I just couldn't. It wasn't her fault that she fell in love with me. And the last thing I wanted to do was blame somebody because of who they loved. I wasn't going to turn into my dad. And I knew I needed to respect her space, because she was hurting pretty bad right now and that was on me.

I sighed, a feeble attempt to get rid of some of the frustration and stress that I had been holding in. Turning the key in the ignition, I flipped on the radio to hear Take It On The Run by REO Speedwagon. As I backed out of the parking lot, I was sucked into my thoughts again.

Why hadn't I known?

The question had been bouncing around the inside of my head ever since that night. The what-ifs were there too, like, what if I had pushed her away sooner? Or what if I had figured it out and just talked to her?

What if Ari hadn't walked in?

It was a question that I both wanted answered and didn't at the same time. What would've happened? Would we have gone any further? Did I want it to go any further? I shook my head abruptly, clearing the thought. I liked Alyssa as a friend, nothing more. Sure, she was hot, but anything I felt towards her paled in comparison to what I felt about Ari.

Which brought me to another question.

What exactly did I feel for Ari?

I knew that this was nothing like I had felt before. I was pretty sure that these feelings I felt for Ari were exactly that: feelings. While the very notion of that terrified me, it somehow wasn't as scary as the thought of losing her. And because of the other night, I felt like I might have. Which was kind of weird. It's not like I was committed to anyone, but for some reason I felt like I had been caught cheating. Even during the kiss, it just felt wrong. And Ari's reaction only amplified that feeling. 

Subconsciously I knew that if I was in this situation with any other girl, my reaction would be nothing like this. Hell, I would probably call it a win to be able to push someone away like that without having to do it with words.

But this felt nothing like a win. 

I was so scared to be alone again. Even though we'd only known each other for a couple months at this point, I could barely imagine my life without Ari. I hoped I wouldn't have to live it for much longer.