Runaway // KageHina

Alone

You never truly realize how alone you are until you're walking down an empty road in the middle of the night, going God knows where.

Just an hour ago, I was fine. Hell, I was better than fine. I was dancing and screaming in a stranger's apartment, doing things my parents would never approve of. But that doesn't matter, because my parents aren't here to tell me how disappointed they are. No one's here.

I shivered as I walked down the empty streets, unsure of my destination. I didn't even know where I would be sleeping that night. My phone buzzed in my jacket pocket, but I ignored it. Despite my loneliness, there was no one I wanted to talk to. My best friend was gone, my crush was a moronic asshole, and my dad gave up weeks ago.

I wish I could go back to the way things were in June. I can't even comprehend how much has changed since then. It was only a month ago, but god it feels like it's been ages. I guess time flies when you're having fun. Or when you're too high to recognize that time is a real concept. But nothing feels real anymore, let alone an abstract idea like time. Instead I just feel as though I'm floating through life, a shell of my former self. In all honesty, these past few weeks have felt like an out of body experience. Like I'm watching myself on a movie screen. Whatever movie I'm in sucks though. It's pathetic.

I'm pathetic.

I didn't know how long I'd been walking, or how far I went. All I knew was that my legs were starting to get sore. I could see a bus stop in the distance, lit up by a lonely street lamp. I could have sworn I saw the same bus stop 30 minutes ago, but everything looks the same outside of the city. Regardless, I decided that it looked like a good place to settle down for the night.

As I sat on the bench, the realization hit me: my life was completely ruined. I had managed to successfully destroy my entire life over the course of two weeks. As much as I would have loved to dwell on that, I was too distracted by my aching legs. My whole body was sore from countless sleepless nights. I've always hated physical pain, but I found this hurt comforting. Finally I was feeling something besides intense mania. I let myself drift off to sleep, imagining myself in my mother's warm embrace.

But in reality, I was alone.