2: Dear My Star

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by beingLucy

by beingLucy

Dear my star,

I have wanted to write to you... talk to you...and just take a moment to think of you.
Yet I have been so busy lately that most of my time is taken up.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I haven't made time for you. I'm sorry that when your birthday passed, I didn't say happy birthday. I didn't do anything to let you know that you're still in my heart and mind.

I'm sorry that I've been busy on purpose.

Not because I don't want to think of you. Not because I have forgotten you... but because there's still a jolt of pain that strikes me in the heart whenever I think about you.

Whenever I think of what could of been. And what wasn't.

I think it will always be like that... but I hope it gets easier somehow...

Sometimes I think it'll be easier to just forget... to even forget you...

But I wouldn't ever wish for that.

Because my goodness, it's impossible to forget someone like you. Someone who made people smile. Someone so selfless and caring. Someone who gave so much and received so little. Someone so full of love and absolute true beauty... someone who I can't even describe with words.

Forgetting you would hurt most. Because you were proof that good existed in this world.

You made me believe in that.

And as much as it hurts, I'd never want to forget you. I'll welcome all the pain as long as you stay here in my heart and in my memories.

Im sorry that this is all I can say.

But what do I say?

I don't know how to express myself. I don't know how to tell you... or if you will even hear me when I speak... I don't-

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated at the fact that I'm talking to thin air and my words are taken by the wind... I'm frustrated at the fact that I'll never know how you're doing now?

All I can do is hope that you're okay. And that's all I can do... I have to learn to just live with hope...

You were the light in this world... and i know you knew that there were so many who loved you... who LOVE you...

And I understand. I think I do. I understand that all of that didn't matter. That was all nothing because not even that, could stop the flame within you from shutting out.

It was only you.

Only you who could've stopped the wind within you.

So I want to say, thank you for existing. Thank you for doing the best you could. Thank you for the memories...

Because I know you wouldn't want me to cry, I won't... well, at-least I'll try not to.

But I write to you again to let you know that I will continue to keep you with me. And that I'm sorry for trying to tune you out of my thoughts for quite some time. I know you'll understand...

So I hope you continue to shine just as bright as you did here.

And I know nothing was easy... And I know you tried... so thank you. You did a good job.

Life is harsh and people are cruel... I don't think that will change..: but, I will try my best to not be one of the bad ones. I will not make the mistake of bruising and damaging someone's wings... I will do my best to not let them fall...

Tonight, I write to you.

My heart aches,

But do you see?

I'm smiling.