Just Two Girls Against The World ✔

I'm sorry

London's POV

I walked slowly in to Paris's room making sure to shut the door behind me. I walked over to her bed side to see her frail frame laying still in the bed. 

I sat in the chair that sat next to her bed, making sure to keep quiet. Which I don't really know why. It's not like she would be waking up. 

I sat stiff as a board scared to do anything. I was scared to see her in this frail position. Paris had always been the more put together one. She always knew what to do, and how to do it. If I'm being honest, If it wasn't for her I would be dressed in sweats and sweatshirts 95% of the time. I would probably never even leave my bed. 

I scooted forward in my chair, and took her hand in mine. I didn't really know what to say anymore. I knew I could always open up to Paris, but I never really did. She always looked at the brighter sides of things, but me I always looked at the darker sides of things. But I would never let her know that, I felt like I had to be exactly like her. I had to be preppy, and happy, and comfortable in my own self to be considered her bestfriend. 

I pulled her hand up to my forehead, holding it there. 

" I'm so sorry Paris. And I know you can't hear me, but face it I'm too ashamed to tell you this when you awake. I never meant to steal your mom, or make you feel like I was stealing your life. Because I don't want that. I wanted to be happy just like you and that's not an excuse I know that, but I just need you to understand. I don't know who I am as a person anymore, and I haven't in a long time. I just don't know what to do anymore." I took a long sigh before continuing.

" You remember when we were younger, and we always believed in God, and the magical angles. Well now I don't' know anymore. How can I believe in something when it's taken my whole life away from. He left me motherless and fatherless and I hate him so much. But I hate myself more, because I feel like both of those things were my fault. Like if I was never born my dad would have never left, and if I was never born, my mom would have never been so focused on taking care of me and she would've taken care of herself. I needed her, and he took her away from me. I need you, and I took you away from me. So there's no even ground anymore." I said tears welling up in my eyes. 

" I just need you to know that I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you or cause you pain, because I know how it feels and I hate it. I understand that you don't want to see me anymore. I don't want to see myself anymore. It should've been me in front of that bus, and not you. But it wasn't and I can't change that. So now I'm gonna start doing right by everyone, I'm going to by doing right to this baby. I love you Paris. Never forget that." I got up from my chair placing her hand gently on the hospital bed. 

I walk towards the door turning back towards Paris before leaving for good. 

" Goodbye, forever." 

I walked out the door, and into the waiting room. I looked at everyone sitting around talking to each other. I made sure not to disturb anyone, as I walked over to the elevator. I pressed the elevator button, stepping in to the elevator waiting for the doors to close. 

~~~ 

I walked through lobby and to the hospital parking lot trying to find my baby blue jeep. After spotting my baby blue jeep exactly where I left it yesterday, I make my way down the isle towards it. When I to my car, I throw open the driver side door and get in.

I put the keys in the ignition, and make sure to buckle up before speeding my way out of the parking lot. 

~~~

I made my way to my house pretty quickly, considering I was going 20 miles over the speed limit. Once I made it into my driveway, I threw my car in park, and leaving  my keys in the ignition, and jumping out of the car. 

I rushed up to my front door, unlocking it and making my way towards my bedroom. I opened my closet walking to the back of it, and grabbing the suitcase on the top shelf. I placed the suitcase on my bed, and walked back into the closet grabbing a bunch of random clothes and throwing them into the suit case. I walked over to my nightstand and grabbed a bunch of pictures to throw in my suitcase. Before throwing them into the suitcase, I took a quick glance. There were a bunch of photos of Paris and I, and my mom and I. Then there was photos of Paris, Lauren, and I after my mom's passing. 

I quickly wiped the tear that had escaped my eye, and threw the photos into the suitcase. I the walked over to my jewelry box that sat on my makeup stand. I grabbed a few pieces of my jewelry that had enough meaning to take, leaving the rest there. 

I threw the jewelry into the suitcase, closing it after. I  pulled out the handle on the suitcase, and rolled the suitcase into my living room. I walked into my kitchen, and looked through everything trying to find a notepad to write a letter in case anyone came looking. 

After finding a notepad, and a pen I started to write my goodbye note. 

Dear Whoever's reading this,

         I'm okay. Or at least I will be.  I'm leaving for a little while to better myself, and find who I am again. I won't say where I'm going, but I will say don't worry. I appreciate you all for always being there for me and for  taking care of me. But now is my time to learn how to do it on my own. I'm going to miss all of you especially, you Paris. But just look at as being for the good. You finally get to live your life without  me being a burden on your shoulder. I really hope that one day you can forgive me, but I understand if that never happens. Just know that I will always care for each and everyone of you. 

                                                                   Love, London.

I left the note right on the counter near the front door. I walked back into my living room and grabbed my suitcase strolling in towards the front door. I took one last look at the house that was in front of me before walking out the door. After locking the door, I took the key and placed it under the door mat. I walk off my porch for one last time, and to my car. I open the back door, and throw the suitcase in there before getting in my car, and starting to my drive to the BIG APPLE. 

This wasn't goodbye forever, just for a little. 

~~~~~~

XoXo ParisBesties