stuck(boyxboy)

hell

Sorens POV
As I was a kid I had these ideas shoved on me and for some time I didn't think about it and I never questioned it. It was what I grew up with, it was what I was taught. Everyone around me didn't question it so why would i? I didn't even think too deeply on what I was taught, my dad preached it but I chose simply not to listen. He had his opinions and I had to share and support them, if I didn't it always turned out bad, so hence I didn't question him and in return I lived as safe as I could, hiding behind my family's religion and that was fine and I was okay with it.

When I got older I started to see more of the world, not as much as others but enough to make me question everything.

I sat placed on my bed, re-thinking everything, it scared me.

If dad knew things would get bad, he still preached the words of god, he said he found guidance in god's passage, he believed a book that preached love and told him what to do, a book that told him what was right and wrong.

He trapped himself and forced lies down his family's throats.

He was a coward.

He was weak.

He hurt people who didn't think the same way as him. He hated people for loving who they wanted, shamed and preached hate.

It was wrong, this religion was supposed to spread love and kindness. Everyone at church looked up to him.

I had no clue why, he was a monster.

That was my life, stuck with a bunch of clueless people.

There was constant pressure to be a perfect son and preach as he did, I said words but didn't mean them, spread the words of hate.

I hated myself for it, but I knew I would always be scared of him and I truly resented myself for that, I couldn't break this act of hatefulness because I was scared. Scared.

That's the way I had always been, after the first time he hit me, I had hid behind a mask.

I was a coward.

I was weak.

This was how everyday was. My thoughts were a mess and nobody noticed and I knew if they did they wouldn't care.

I wasn't important, my family was.

The image of my family was all that mattered about me, I had to hide behind a smile.

I wished I could live my life, because I am really even living if I'm not myself but a mask of a religion.

I'm not living.

Sure I'm here, I exist but this can't be living.

I wake up and do everything the same as yesterday, the only days this changes as on weekends and holidays. My weekdays usually only focused on school and church. I didn't mind it, I just wished I could experience something new.

My life was boring as it always had been.

I hung out with other kids whose families were Christian. a lot of them lived their lives. They experienced freedom and they didn't question their own existence.

They were nice people, but they didn't really care about me.

They didn't see the bruises, cuts, and burns from my father.

I didn't mind.

After all if people found out, they'd feel sorry for me, i didn't want that.

I wanted to wait until I turned 18 and get out of the house. I would move somewhere far away, and never see my dad or mum again.

Today my day would go the same as it always did, I didn't expect anything to change.

I got up, got dressed and headed down stairs for breakfast.

My mum sat on the couch watching the news and my dad was placed in the kitchen leaning against the bench.

He looked up the second he heard me coming

I mumbled a quick "good morning" and headed to the cupboard to pull out some cereal.

He said nothing.

Once I poured my breakfast, and ate it, I grabbed my school bag and made myself some lunch.

He grabbed my arm just as I was about to exit the house, I instantly felt myself tense up, I knew he could too, the smile on his face scared me more.

"We are going to Grace's house tonight, be good" he said, if you heard this conversation it would sound normal, but i could hear the threat behind it.

Don't screw up.

I won't, i never do.

"Yes, sir" I replied.

He let go "good"

That was the last thing I heard from him as he walked away.

I stepped out the doorway and closed the door behind me.

As soon as i was out of my front yard i let out a breath i didn't know i was holding.

I walked to school every day, I was fine with it.

School had just started back for the year, it was my last year here and then id get my freedom.