A Reason 2 Smile

I'm Lying

NOVEMBER 14, FRI. 10:46

I told my Mom and Dad that I felt sick, I do, but not in the way they think. They're both at work so I'm pretty much alone. Earlier I was thinking about what I had said to Aidan, he didn't understand. He couldn't. No one can.

---*---

The lack of sleep finally gets to me. I close my tired eyes and slip back into my old night-terrors. I knew this would happen. A figure appears at the other end of a hall, I recognize it as my old middle school. I walk towards the silhouette, "Hello?". It remains stiff as if made of stone. I walk a little closer, "Who are you?". The figures body begins to levitate upwards, it's feet leave the ground. A rope is tied around the figure's neck. Tied around, her neck..."No! Scarlet!!!", I scream, running towards her. I finally get close when the scene changes.

A cold, chilling breeze circles around me. A crowd stands in front of me. They were yelling and cursing at someone in the middle. I try to break through the crowd to see what was going on, and there's only one thought in my head.

Please God, don't let it be-

I finally burst through the crowd to find him there in the middle. Aidan! He was so bloody and beaten that it was hard to tell that it was Aidan underneath the mess. "It's your fault they did this!", he growl. I look around at 'they'. Saige, Katie, Cole, Lily, Tanner, so many people that I should have listened to. I ruined them, they crushed me. I never meant to, they made it there life goal.

I'm sorry, I, I'm sorry!", I fall on my knees as darkness once again surrounds me and I'm thrown back into reality. No, no, no, I can't do this anymore! I'm a nightmare, I'm a monster, and this is all my fault. Cole was right, I should've just killed myself! I run to the bathroom and on instinct, grab a razor-blade from the cabinet. After eighth grade I swore to myself that I'd never do this again, but hey, promises were made to be broken.

As the blade cuts through the first layer of skin I wince. It hurt a lot more now that I was cutting into scars. I kept cutting deeper until blood began trickling down my arm. I do it over and over again until the physical pain over-rode the mental pain. That was when I realized how deep I had truly cut. My blood had had been spilled across the whole floor, "Fuck!".

My parents are supposed to come home at 6:00, I look over at the clock, it's 3:04. At least I have some time to clean up and hide the cuts.

---*---

I look at the silver clock in my kitchen, it's already 4:00. The floor's cleaned but the wounds haven't stopped bleeding yet. It was really starting to worry me. The blood loss made me feel dizzy and weak. Out of nowhere, the doorbell rings. I pull down my sleeves and open the door to see Aidan. Isn't this just perfect.

"Hey Emma."

"Hey."

"Sorry if it's weird that I'm over here, I was just checking to see if you were okay. After what you said last night I was kind of worried."

"Why?", my breath catches in my throat.

"I had this friend a few years ago who was struggling with depression. He said he was fine, and I just decided to ignore all of the times that I caught him crying. You see, he killed himself. I'll never be able to forgive myself for not helping him, but I can try to make it up to him by helping others."

"Wow, you didn't tell me about that...", I raise my hand to fix my glasses when Aidan's eyes practically bulge out of his head.

"What is that?!", he asks, pointing at my arm. I look at it, the blood had soaked through the sleeve.

"I was uh, painting.", it was the first excuse that I could come up with. I know it was stupid, but I didn't know what else I could say. Aidan grabs my wrist and I feel pain shoot up and down my arm. He pulls up my sleeve and sees the bloody cuts.