PARENTHOOD // PERCICO

chapter three - postpartum

//short of trigger warning; nico talks about his body image, and i know that can be triggering to some. I know that for me it's a sensitive topic and i don't like talking about it, but it doesn't upset me in writing, but I know it may some, so i just wanted to put this warning. Stay safe loves//

Nico looked at himself in the mirror, not just a quick glance, but looked at it deeply, taking in the details. He put him in a weird state of mind. Reminded him of disassociation. Was that what was going on? It's not like it was impossible for that to be happening, but why?

He felt like absolute shit. And him feeling like shit, only made him feel shittier, because what gave him the right to feel this way. Why was he even in the bathroom right now? Oh right. A shower. He needed to shower.

Percy was watching Zoella and he was going to shower. That's what he was supposed to be doing. How long had he been standing here? Snapping out of it, he got undressed, tossing his clothes to the side. He got in the shower and let the water run down his shoulders.

Why was he feeling this way? He hadn't felt like this in a very long time. Empty. He felt so empty. For the longest time, he had felt guilty. Guilty for wanting to give up- and he still did, but he also just felt hollow. Like he wasn't a person, just a shell.

He reached for the shampoo, not wanting to spend too much time in the shower. After all the shampoo was out, he reached for the conditioner. He wanted to rush everything. He wanted to get out of this shower, or maybe it was the bathroom. Or maybe it was having time to be alone and simply think. Think too deeply. Thinking was dangerous. Especially because of the mood he's been in lately.

He was finally done showering and he got out, wrapped a towel around his waist, and walked to the clothes he had brought with him that were sitting on the sink. When arriving, he took a glance in the mirror. ew. Did he really look like that? He felt like he had gained some weight. It wasn't too much- but he definitely did. He had more 'squish'. Which he knew was probably good for him, but he also used to be underweight and borderline deathly thin, so it was weird to see himself like this.

He didn't like it. He looked gross. He didn't like the way he looked before, but at least he was... thinner. Now he had weight around his hips, and his stomach had a little bump. He grabbed it with his hands. He knew he was being ridiculous. Literally in total he may have gained ten pounds- he was overreacting, but he couldn't help but feel repulsed at himself.

He turned around and looked at his back. There was less definition of his spine- that should be a good thing, right? But why did it make him feel so awful? He felt icky, gross, disgusting.

He couldn't bear to look at himself anymore. He reached for the clothes, pulling on Percy's hoodie- an item that had quickly become his favorite- followed by boxers, and then joggers.

He looked at himself one last time in the mirror, were his cheeks rounder? He poked at his chin. His face was still slim, right? He could hide his stomach, but his face is another story. It looked fine, the same, he looked more tired, but that was most likely just lack of sleep.

He needed to get away from this mirror. He opened the door and saw Percy there, sitting on the bed with their daughter in his hands. He was good at being a parent. Far better than Nico thought he could dream of being. He wasn't really cut out for it. Percy was though. Percy was... nothing short of amazing.

"Hey," Percy smiled, watching as Nico walked from the bathroom door to the bed, sitting beside the son of Poseidon.

"Hi," He smiled back, looking up at his green eyes and then at Zoella.

"Better?" the raven-haired boy asked, looking at Nico with concern in his eyes.

It took Nico a second to realize what he was talking about. Percy had found him basically having a panic attack. "Oh yeah." He said, slightly embarrassed at the situation. "Yeah, better, uh, thank you," He was thankful. Thankful Percy didn't think he was an actual psychopath. Why was he freaking out so much? It just seemed like that was all he had been doing lately.