Ethereal | RJ (HSMTMTS)

Part 9

Ricky's POV

I haven't spoken to EJ since I left yesterday, and I know it hasn't even been 24 hours, but being unsure for that long is exhausting. I definitely felt like we had a connection, and obviously he did too, because he kissed me, but he has a girlfriend. Being with a boy may be looked down on, but at least it's not mean. If I had known there was someone else involved in this who thing, I wouldn't have kissed him, because cheating sucks. I've been there before. Not with Nini, but with my girlfriend before her. She was seeing another guy behind my back, and she lied about it for weeks. I don't want to contribute to that mess with EJ and his girlfriend. 

I shove another spoonful of cereal into my mouth. Cornflakes. That's all we have left, because I've finished the Cap'N Crunch, and we haven't gone to buy more yet. My dad enters the kitchen with a smile and grabs the apple juice from the fridge. While he pours his cup, he observes the frown on my face. 

"Everything okay?" he asks. 

"Yeah, fine. Just...had trouble staying asleep." Not a full lie.

"Rain woke you up too?"

I could hear the drops pummelling my window the whole night, but honestly, they were kind of a nice distraction from the thing that actually kept me up. 

"Yeah."

My dad nods and takes a sip of his juice. 

"Hey, after breakfast," he says, "would you be able to check the mail? I realized we haven't checked it since we got here."

"Dad, it's been weeks."

"Which is why I need you to check it."

I let out a breath. "Sure. I'll do that once I'm done."

"Great. Thank you," he says with a smile. 

After breakfast, I make my way toward the mailbox. There's only one collection of mailboxes for the whole town, and they all sit beside the post office, stacked in a vertical grid. Many people have chosen to paint theirs, resulting in a panel of artwork. Most of the designs are nature-related, like deer, flowers, or water. My mailbox has a picture too. The person we leased the house from must be a creative person. Either that or they have enough money to hire a creative person. It depicts rain sprinkling a puddle, looking similar to what last night must've been like. The ground is still wet from that. In the road are deep streams of water settled into the dips in the red dirt. I wore my black shoes, but even those are turning red from the mud. The smell of the air is nice, though. It has that fresh scent of recent rain throughout the whole town. 

As I turn the key in my mailbox, I notice a body emerge beside me, opening his own mailbox. I recognize him, but I'm not ready to talk to him yet. I know that if I do, I won't be able to keep myself from giving in to the desire that I have to be with him. So I focus on the humungous stack of letters and yank those out of the compartment. When I get a good grasp on them all in my arm, the shadow of the boy beside me starts to move, and I glance over at EJ writing something down on a piece of paper. After it's finished, he reaches in front of me and puts it in my mailbox. Too curious to leave it, I pick up the paper and unfold it with my free hand to read a note that he's written. 

I broke up with Freya.

After taking a second to let that work through my brain, I place the page on top of my stack of letters and reach for the pen in my jean jacket pocket. Then I start to write my own message. 

So what now?

I fold the page closed and return it to EJ's open mailbox, and he retrieves it right away, a smile forming on his face. He flicks his eyes back to me before writing again and passing my letter back to my mailbox. 

Can I pick you up later?

I feel the butterflies inside me start to whirl again. He genuinely likes me, and I'm not just some side fling. He wants me, and that feels so good to know. 

"Sure," I answer.

________________________________________

When I step outside after he rings the doorbell, an obvious truth suddenly hits me. Our eyes lock, and I feel the tension of the rope tugging my into him, but the blades of the sharp neighbours' eyes slice into that rope with every drive-by glance that we get. Being with him isn't going to be as simple as it was with Nini or any other girl. This is going to be more like a constant game of hide and seek, but we're hiding, and praying not to be found by anyone who won't let us continue playing our game. Someday I might be more comfortable being seen, but right now, I have too much fear. Maybe that makes me a bad person, because I don't want anyone to know about my relationship with EJ. Maybe I do have some lingering prejudice against even myself. But I'm just scared. I would be fine telling Big Red, but he's not here, and the only other person I can talk to is my dad, but I don't know what he would say. 

Rather than do anything to satisfy the desire to pull him close, I step up beside him and follow him down the pathway toward the car. Once inside and buckled, I look over at him as he shifts the gear into drive. 

"Does this scare you?" I ask him.

I don't usually like to talk about things this deep or emotional, but I really can't help but be curious. At my question, EJ takes a minute to ponder his answer, and I can see the conflict in his face as he does. 

"Yeah," he admits. "I'm sorry."

"No. I get it," I respond. "I'm pretty scared too. I've never..." I try to string the right words together. "...felt anything like this before. I mean, I have, but not for...you know."

"Yeah," he mutters. "This is completely new for me. Before yesterday, I never even considered that I could be..."

He trails off, clearly reluctant to say the next part. 

"Gay?" I finish for him. 

He looks my way to nod before returning his eyes to the road. 

"Like, I'm friends with guys who make fun of gay kids, and now I am one," he says. "My friends have teased me before too. Not in a mean way. Just as jokes. Because I'm in theatre, and they kinda think that's a gay thing for a dude to like."

"That's a stereotype," I state. 

"Well, it's true for me," EJ replies, "so maybe it has some merit."

I can't exactly argue that. I don't know anyone in theatre really, except Nini. 

"What about your parents?" I ask. 

"That, I don't know," EJ breathes. "My dad has always pushes me and my brothers to act like men and like boy things. He wouldn't even let my brother choose a pink stuffed animal when he was younger. I don't know how he'd feel about me being gay."

"Well, you do like boy things," I say. "I'd say liking a boy is like the advanced level of liking boy things."

That makes EJ laugh. 

"I hope he sees it that way," he says. 

Then we approach a fork in the road, the turn to go either out of town or stay in it.

"Where do you want to go?" he asks.

"Somewhere we don't have to hide," I reply.

A/N: Hi. I hope you liked this part. Things are going to start getting a bit more interesting as the coming out stuff approaches. Thank you for reading. I love you all.