Ethereal | RJ (HSMTMTS)

Part 13

Ricky's POV

Sunflowers face the sun, but when they can't find the sun, they face each other. To them, another sunflower is as close to the sun as they can have. It's not the same thing, but they don't care. It's their natural response, automatic, unquestioned. But if the sun is gone, and there are no sunflowers around, where does it look? 

EJ was my sunflower. He was where I turned when I needed help finding peace. He controlled my wheel, both literally and figuratively. He drove me forward, and I was okay with going farther than I'd been before. I wanted him to take me beyond what I knew. And without him—

"Ricky!"

I shatter out of my thoughts at Big Red's voice, remembering in an instant where I am. I am not in Stale, B.C. I'm in the East High cafeteria. We're only a day into school, but it feels like a year. Everyone around me catches up with their friends at their tables, and I wish I could do the same with Big Red, but I can't stop feeling like this is wrong, like my life was left behind in Canada, and now I'm walking and breathing, but nothing's really happening. I'm starting to wonder if I made it all up, if I was reading a story and accidentally pushed myself into it, but none of it was truly real.

"What's got you so down?" Big Red asks. 

One Week Earlier

Our legs dangle over the edge of Not-Quite-As-Big Rock. Our first run with the law a few weeks ago didn't scare us enough to kill the dream I had to see what the sunset looks like atop this giant slab of stone. EJ's arm hangs over me, and we just sit here, watching the sky melt from yellow to orange to red like candle wax. As the colours drain and grow bolder, it crosses my mind that I've never felt this way before. I've never been with someone whom I never wanted to leave, who was a filter blocking every bad thing, leaving only the good to kiss me. 

"I'm really gonna miss you," I say softly. 

EJ's hand rubs my shoulder and brings me in tighter. 

"You won't miss me for long," he responds. 

"Trust me," I whisper. "I'll miss you forever. I love you."

I've never said those words before. It's ironic how I couldn't say them back to Nini, but now I can say them to EJ first. I just didn't know what love was back then. But now I get it. Love is this, us on top of a rock, trying to hold on to every last second we have. Love is wanting every second to last a lifetime. 

After a moment of pure silence, EJ responds, "I love you too."

Present Day

Was it just one of those indie, summer films where the experience I had will get lost in the wind as time blows by? Was EJ nothing more than my sexual awakening? Is this it? 

I think about Big Red's question. I haven't told him about EJ yet, maybe because I'm still trying to put him into words, but the dictionary simply doesn't hold any that accurately portray what that boy meant to me.

"There were just a lot of things in B.C. that felt like home," I reply. 

Big Red nods, and we both go back to eating. People continue to chatter, and I catch glimpses of their worlds as I listen in. 

"My history teacher is awful," complains one girl.

"I almost lost my hamster this morning," says another. 

"My cousin is coming to stay with my family for the long weekend," says a red-headed girl to her friend.

"Where's your cousin from?" her friend, a dark-haired boy with glasses, asks her. 

"He's from a town called Stale, B.C."

A/N: I hope you guys liked this little ending. I really like it. I hope you also liked the story. I appreciate everyone who read it. Thank you so much <3