Wolfstar Oneshots

You Love Me?

TRIGGER WARNING- SELF HARM AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE 

When Remus woke up it was to find Sirius's bed empty. He didn't usually think much of this as Sirius was nearly always awake before him, but today something felt odd. Remus slid out of bed and started to get ready for the day but stopped when he saw out of the corner of his eye a small piece of notebook paper sticking out from underneath Sirius's pillow. Remus strode over to Sirius's bed and plucked the notepaper from underneath the pillow. It said-

---I've had enough. Whoever finds this I swear you did nothing to make me this way. But this life is suffocating me more every minute and there are voices in my head screaming and I just can't do it anymore. I can't think. Everything I see is through a glass, just like you. But my glass has been heavily tainted and broken by depression and abuse and I need out. If you are Remus- I love you. James and Peter- You were like brothers to me. All of you- it might seem sad and irrational but I hope over time you can understand that I am doing this not to hurt you but so I can be free. There's nothing you can do. I'll be long gone by the time you read this.

                  ~Sirius

Remus gasped. He couldn't believe this.  This note was telling a lie. Sirius couldn't be dead. He just couldn't. No, this was some stupid attempt at a joke. Remus was paralyzed for a moment before he was brought to his senses by a loud snore from Peter.

When James woke up he was surprised and worried to find Remus sobbing uncontrollably. Remus couldn't speak but he showed James the letter. James's insides became icy cold as shock and fear shot through him like poison. He got up at once and woke Peter who turned paler than pale and started crying as well after reading the note. James's lack of tears were not bravery or lack of love for Sirius, they were the result of a sort of dull shock that James had few occasions to showcase.

James took the Marauder's map from under his bed. Someone would have to wake Minnie, of course. And someone would have to find Sirius... hopefully alive. By then Remus was in a bit more control of his tears. James tried to get Remus to let him search for Sirius but Remus's mind was made up. So James ran off with the note towards Professor McGonagall's office. Remus took the map to go find Sirius, and Peter stayed curled up in a ball under his bed, sobbing.

One glance at the map told Remus exactly where Sirius was. The little dot saying "Sirius Black" was unmoving in the potions classroom. Remus found himself wondering whether Sirius being on the map meant he was alive. He didn't bother taking the invisibility cloak. He no longer cared about being caught out of bed.

Miraculously nobody caught Remus as he thundered down the spiral staircase, hurtled through the portrait hole, and raced towards the dungeons, his heart beating even faster than he was forcing himself to move his legs. He flung open the door to the potions classroom. It was darker than usual but someone had lit one small candle near the middle of the classroom. Remus ran into the room looking for Sirius. And nearly at once, he saw him. Sirius's pale form was somehow smaller than usual. He was taking slow, rattling breaths that told Remus he was only barely alive.

"Oh my god Siri!" Screamed the werewolf. Sirius lifted his head slightly. It was clear to Remus that even this small movement was causing Sirius a kinds of pain.

"Remus- I-I-I'm s-sorry I l-love you Moony" Said Sirius slowly in an stuttering voice, breathing too often and in the middle of words.

"No Sirius those aren't your last words!" Cried Moony, leaping from cupboard to cupboard, searching frantically for ingredients that might make an antidote to whatever Sirius had used to poison himself. He finally came across a small drawer full of shriveled up little somethings labeled "Bezoars". Remus yanked one out of the drawer and rushed over to Sirius. He knew Sirius was going fast and this was his last hope. Remus thrust the stone into Sirius's throat.