Finding

(6) Love

Summary:

Tord's thoughts on love and how he feels about Tom.

Notes:

"Classic stupid Tom" - Talking aloud

"Classic stupid Tom" - Thoughts of a character

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Being in a relationship with the Brit wasn't that bad.

Like sure, Tord noticed that Thomas was now more possessive and protective of him. But it wasn't like the brunet was letting his feelings be of a hindrance to his duties.

The blue clad man was still as efficient and disciplined as a soldier and all the more loyal to him now that they were together.

Heck, the Brit as even further cutting down his drinking for him which in a certain sense made the Norski smile.

But that doesn't mean Tord found himself in love with Thomas.

The pineapple-bowling ball hybrid was one of his longest known childhood friends next to Edd. Therein, he knew that he had his own attachments to the taller man. But it wasn't like it was love.

If anything, Tord cared for the man as he would a long-time trusted companion that he'd occasionally have sex with. Dates, holding hands and even the brunet's presence alone weren't able to give him what he wanted to feel.

Love.

Once upon a time, when he was still trapped in the labs and was still held captive by the Larsson's, such a concept was so far and foreign to him.

Yet over the years where he was free, he was able to gain an idea of what it was from various sources (people, books, media and the internet) and was also somehow able to make his own concept or thoughts about it and make it a standard to know whether he was in love.

What is love?

For him, to love someone is to feel safe and comfortable around them.

To love someone is to have utmost trust on them and know that you are willing to believe in them.

To love someone is to feel complete and happy with their presence or the very thoughts about their partner.

To love someone is to feel the tingles/butterflies/electricity and be content in their partner's arms.

To love someone is that you are willing to accept everything about your partner; strengths and flaws and all while helping them be better.

To love someone, you are willing to look past their flaws and find beauty in them and revel in the very identity of the other.

To love someone is that you are willing to forgive your partner for all the terrible things they did to you and still find the interest to be with them.

To love someone is that you are willing to be theirs and be broken by them since it would possibly make them happy.

To love someone is when you find yourself that you are willing to selflessly suffer and sacrifice for the other person.

Most of all, to love someone is when you can find yourself always wanting to be by that person's side to the point that you'd rather have yourself die than have that person suffer and die because of you.

Those were his concepts of love and so far, Tom was hardly making him feel any of those.

If anything, Tord could basically say that what he had with the Brit was more of a companionate type of feeling. Thomas was basically someone he trusted that wouldn't do something so stupid. But that trust was not enough to the point the silvernette would let the man break him.

He wasn't in love.

He just cared.

That's all.

So, blinking his lone functional eye, Tord was still wondering whether it was right to continue his relationship with the sleeping man beside him. After all, the person he could truly love was possibly still out there.

Him remaining by Tom's side would probably do no good to his love status. But then again, the spiky haired brunet was a lot happier these couple of months that they were in an official relationship.

Cutting things off could possibly make the other spiral back or farther into his angsty and depressive moods. Tom's work efficiency would probably suffer and the Brit's mental and emotional health would be no better.

He can't let those kinds of things happen.

Tom is after all his most efficient, effective, loyal and disciplined soldier.

To lose such an asset just because of his selfishness to want love would make him a terrible leader to his army and the Empire which he rules.

Tord then sighed at how things are turning out and softly touched the Brit's sleeping face. "I guess duty comes first before love. Besides, it's not like I'm sure that I can actually fall in love with somebody. Therein, I might as well accept what I have and be grateful for it."

"After all, I'm a lot surer of the proof that Tom loves me and would do anything to remain by my side.

My love doesn't matter. What matters is that I make use of everything that I have to fight for the cause and make the Red Empire prosper."