The Labyrinth of Suffering

One

|| Write a chapter in which a character experiments with someone of a gender they don't usually go for. ||

Holy crap. Who knew dancers were such good kissers?

Chantelle Evans, the "head cheerleader" at my school, kissed me while drunk today at my step-sister's Christmas party. Nadeen - that's my step-sister, just so you know - has a tradition that every Christmas at midnight, everyone has to kiss another person under the mistletoe. None of us want to spoil her fun by telling her that she's getting mixed up with New Year, so we've all just gone with it since she arrived from Egypt last year.

Anyway, back to the story: Chantelle Evans kissed me!

I'm not one of those creeps who watches lesbian ballerinas practice pirouettes in the performance hall like . . . well, like the majority of my friends, but I can appreciate a good kisser, especially if they're hot.

She wasn't even that drunk, apparently; Honey even thinks that she was sober enough to know that it was me she was snogging!

"So Chantelle voluntarily made out with the oddest geek here?" Kate sniffed, raising her eyebrow at Honey in disbelief.

"Hey! I'm not odd!" I shot back.

Kate put one of her well-manicured hands on my arm and declared, "You're a lipstick lesbian who doesn't wear lipstick, Elisa. You're pretty odd, even in my book." She gestured at her neon-orange playsuit and witch tights with an expression that spoke many monotone words. "It's like Oliver purposefully slapping a gay boy's arse. It's never going to happen!" Most schools have a Class Clown, or a Class Heartthrob, or perhaps a Class Skank (probably Honey, to be honest). We have a notorious class Homophobe: Oliver Harrison.

"Maybe one day he will," Honey put in optimistically. She then decided to sing Anything can Happen by Ellie Goulding, which was closely followed by boos from our resident hipster, Darren. "What's wrong with my bae? Her songs are ten times better than anyone you can put on your band t-shirts, Daz!"

"Shut it, you two," Kate ordered. "We're meant to be helping Elisa here find herself. By snogging dancers."

"Can we join in?" Honey whispered into my ear, maintaining sly eye contact with Kate, who jabbed her in the ribs under the table. "Ow, you whore! Become a dancer and maybe I'll kiss you. Don't resort to violence when you're jealous, though!"

With a flip of her hair, Honey went back to tucking into her sandwich, and I went back to daydreaming wistfully about ballerinas and mistletoe and Egyptian step-sisters who always know the right thing to do. Nadeen picked out her most gorgeous dress for me to wear to the party, as well! It was primrose silk with a ruffled top that only just stroked my waistline before cascading into a waterfall. My crimped hair in a low ponytail complemented it perfectly, too, so it proves even further that your precious father marrying a woman who haven't met works out sometimes.

Nadeen and Miriam are some of my best friends. Not only are they stunning with their dark-chocolate hair and piercing eyes, but they have the kindest hearts of anyone I know, and make the cutest mistakes about English life.

Darren nudged me with a chopstick and asked me what I was day-dreaming about. "My step-family, actually," I responded.

"Nadeen is awesome."

"Agreed."

Our conversation ended for a while there until he pointed out Ernest Ray sitting alone on the table next to us and said, "He has a crush on you, ya know."

I shook my head. "No way. He knows I'm gay. Why would any straight boy in their right mind attempt to go after a lesbian?" Darren opened his mouth to reply, and I interrupted to say, "Okay, I know why a straight boy in their right mind would attempt to go after a lesbian, and I know that Ernest Ray is not in his right mind. It's just that . . . what does he expect me to do?"

Daz shrugged and went back to whatever hipster food he was eating, leaving me to ponder whether to talk to Ernest or not. Unfortunately, Past Elisa went for the "Yes" option. I went over to Ernest, rejected him, and granted him one apology request.

"I want to kiss you."

He wanted to kiss me.

In the sight of all of my friends and peers.

Which would make me seem bisexual.

Oh dear.

Leaning down, I hissed, "You know I can't do that! I'm a lesbian! That's, like, so gross! And wrong in a number of ways. Think of something else. Slave for a day, maybe?"

"Can you cook me eleven pancakes for lunch every day?" Ernest suggested. I shook my head. "Can you find me a girlfriend?" I denied. "Well, it seems like you can't do anything, and this is pointless. Also, everything is going way too fast."

"Do you need some time? I can go back to my friends and then come back in a while." We agreed on that, and I strolled back to my table. As Ernest determinedly strolled after me, I had a sudden realisation. We fall for people, no matter their looks or personality or gender, because that's what we are destined to do. It sets off a domino-line of events that we can't predict, because that's what we are destined to do. Those events make our future what it is destined to be, because that's what we are destined to do, and what we are destined to do is never right! But it's okay. So eventually, it was okay that Ernest Ray grabbed my face by the ears and snogged me two minutes after I rejected him.

_____

Light snow like water icing coated the park ground, which apparently represented cake. Honey and I trudged through it slowly, talking about the day's events. "Did you feel anything?"

"No, Honey. And did you hear about English class?!"

"No one wants to hear about those events, Elisa! Honestly. If we were in a story right now, the narrator would be ashamed of you for moving away from a crucial plot point!" (She's right- I'm pissed at myself.) "Stop changing the subject and tell me about Ernest's kiss."

I sighed deeply. "Look, I'm most certainly gay. I felt nothing."

Honey snorted and teased "Not even wet slobber?" before disappearing into a fit of giggles. Instead of scolding her like I wanted to, I was swallowed up the giggles as well, and we fell to the park floor together, ignoring the scowling faces of dog-walkers trying to get past. That was the point when it started being okay. Everything starts being okay sometime.

"What about Amber? Still feel something about Amber?" Ah. That's a whole 'nother chapter, here. A whole 'nother chapter.

A/N: I have decided to do a confession within each chapter, related to each chapter. So, confession a): I have never kissed a boy. Have you? ;)