i love you's - breece

i may love you | 3

all the lies - the vamps, alex aiono

After the shower, Blake left, leaving Reece alone. The blonde stayed in his room, not being hungry anymore. It was about 10 am now, he could just eat lunch as breakfast. Before he could eat anything, he needed to get what he just did.

Inexact this moment, his phone vibrated on his nightstand. His girlfriend. Reece sighed, he absolutely not wanted to talk to her. Luckily for him, she wouldn't visit him for the rest of the tour. Yesterday he still was sad about it, but now he was happy. He didn't want to see her. One way, because he couldn't lie to her. Another way, because he didn't want to kiss her right now. More, he wanted to kiss Blake.

"Hey, Reecey", she said happily. Everything Reece realized, that this nickname sounded better when Blake said it.

"Hey, babe", the blonde answered. It didn't feel right to call her babe anymore. But if he wouldn't use the nickname, she'd imminently realize something was wrong. He didn't want too.

"Are you okay?", she asked, seeming worried. Reece softly smiled. She was beautiful. Made him smile and happy, at least most of the time. She was pretty and friendly to everyone. He really liked her. But since he was in the same situation he used to be in with her, he realized that there was something wrong. That Blake did the same to him. But more. He was cute, lovely, and friendly. Made him happy.

But he couldn't feel the same thing for him. Blake was a boy. His best friend. His bandmate. Still, he just had sex with him. And he wanted to do it again.

"Yes, I'm fine", Reece answered his girlfriend. The person he should love. The person who should make him happy. The person he should kiss. The person he should make love with. The person he shouldn't question for letting her in his life. "I'm just a bit tired. I can't talk right now, I'm down in town with the boys. Sorry."

"It's okay, as long as you're fine." He wasn't. "You don't need to say sorry for everything." He should. "Are we gonna talk later?", she asked.

Reece sighed. He wasn't really motivated talking to her right now, and he was sure, it wouldn't change. "Sure", he still said, not wanting to hurt her. She didn't deserve it. She did nothing wrong. Neither did Blake. It was his fault.

She ended the call after a "goodbye, I love you". Reece couldn't say it back. He just mumbled it quietly, he didn't want to hurt. But he already did, and he knew, he needed to tell her. He just didn't know how.

He searched in his contacts for the number. He needed advice, by someone who could understand his situation a bit better. Surely, he could also go to George, but he was unsure if Blake wanted George to know that they had sex, and maybe it would ruin the band, so he decided to call someone else.

"Hey Reece", he heard Brad's voice through the phone. "What's up?"

"I need help", Reece answered. Brad was, in this case, the best person to call. He was gay, not open to society, but he was in a relationship with Tristan and fine with himself. "I... may have done something stupid."

"You know, if you had a fight with her, you should better talk to James or Connor", his friend said.

"No, no, but... I may have had sex with Blake", Reece said, running his fingers through his hair nervously.

"Oh", Brad said slowly. "Was it... good?"

"Absolutely", Reece answered. "That's the problem. Another problem is, that I have a girlfriend and cheated on her. The other one is that Blake said I love you to me, and I didn't answer. Also that I'm really confused right now about what is right and what is wrong and if I like Blake or her."

"Woah, Reece. You've got lots of problems", Brad said, not really knowing how to help the boy. "I don't really know how to help. They are your feelings and I don't want to give you wrong advice. I think you should just give yourself more time to understand the whole thing. But you should tell her that you cheated, even if you don't do it right now. She doesn't deserve being left out. You cheated, and even if you liked it, you need to pay for it."

"Thanks", Reece said, ending the call.

At the same time, Blake was sitting in his room. He didn't call anyone. He didn't get a call from anyone. He thought about talking to George, but his best friend told him that he meet this nice girl down the hall and was going out with her.

Girls. Everyone liked girls, at least it felt like it. Everywhere he went, there was nothing but straight people. On Instagram or outside. Surely, there were Bradley and Tristan. But online, they were straight too.

Blake liked boys and only boys. Girls were nice and pretty, but except friendship, he didn't feel anything for them. He was fine with liking boys. His parents knew and they accepted him. He was just not fine with liking Reece because liking Reece ruined his life.

Another tear was rolling down his cheek. Blake asked himself how he could still cry because he felt like there were no tears left for him to cry out. His eyes hurt. Everything hurt. He wished for nothing more than for Reece to be there to get all the pain away. He just needed a hug from the blonde. Not even a kiss. Just a hug and those sweet words, which were always a lie: "Everything will be fine." Or an even better lie: "I love you too."

Those words would take the pain away, even if it was a lie. He would feel good, just like he did an hour ago. With Reece kissing him and being there for him.

"Why do I love him?", the brunette murmured. "Can't there be someone who loves me back?" There would be no one, he said to himself. Why should someone love him?

"I love you", he whispers, knowing Reece wouldn't hear the words. Knowing Reece would never say the words back. Still he said them. He needed to keep them to himself for so long, only saying it to the blonde in his head. In his daydreams. In his daydreams, in which the blonde loved him back.

In reality, he didn't. Blake loved him, still.