The Album of You and I

It's All About You

Theo hadn't slept all night. No matter how many times he tried, Emma's phone was switched off. He was pretty sure that he had filled her voicemail. Why did she text him if she wasn't going to pick up her phone?

Dawn was breaking and with that so was Theo's sanity. He was functioning off of coffee, Harry and Max had left long ago, leaving him to pace in his living room alone.

Their conversation earlier was playing through his mind on repeat as he kept repeatedly asking himself the same questions,

Is she calling to end it?  Does she already regret getting involved with me? Am I not worth it?

It felt like Theo had been trapped in one moment, that time had stood still. That he was immobilised and all he could do was wait for someone outside to break his time-loop. Finally at 9AM Theo's phone rang.  He had never answered fast enough,

'Hey Dude, has she called you yet?' Harry's irritating voice surprised Theo as he was expecting th soft tones of Emma's. 

'No, and I have to keep my phone free in case she does so I'm hanging up now.' He briskly stated as he ended the call without giving his friend a chance to respond. Normally he would have been such a mess that Harry would have made fun of him for not holding himself together, but the combination of stress, sleep deprivation and caffeine meant that he was on high alert with no time for messing around. 

Again his phone rang, and this time Theo checked the ID to be sure that he wouldn't answer an unnecessary phone call.

Once confirmed, he immediately hit the green button.

'Hey Emma, what are you doing up so early? I thought you were never going to be a morning person.' Theo asked casually, attempting to cover the fact that her text was all that he could think about.

'Char stayed over, and unfortunately she likes to wake up as soon as the cock crows. Why do I always hang around people who don't have a respect for sleep.' Emma grumbled, mumbling the last part. Theo was slightly relieved, there was no sad, serious edge to her voice, giving Theo hope that maybe he had been mistaken. 

'Look, Theo, I know you got my text, it took me an hour to go through my phone. Don't worry, it's not what you think. Looking back on it now, I probably shouldn't have said it that way, but it was late and I was tired, and so there.' Emma explained hastily as she sensed the agitation in Theo's greeting. She had already received a scolding from Char about that text and was bombarded with guilt for making Theo worry. 

'It's fine, I should have probably been more chill about it, but it did kind of send me into a panic.' Theo confessed, feeling sheepish for the masses of messages on Emma's phone.

'No! If you had done the same to me, I don't think I would have been able to sleep at all,' at this Theo chuckled at the irony.

'Well, what did you want to talk about? ' Theo questioned hesitantly. There was silence on the other side of the line, with the only thing letting Theo know that Emma was still their was the small sound of breathing.

Just do it Emma, it's going to be ok.

Emma was finding it much harder to be honest with herself and Theo than she thought it would be. How hard is it to say a form sentences? Very, it seemed. 

'Theo, I'm scared of how vulnerable I'm about to be right now, so hear me out. You can't interrupt otherwise I don't think I'll be able to continue.

Ok, here goes. You know that article about us, the one about our date? The one where you said to not read the comments because they're not true. Well, I read them. All the stuff they were saying, and well, to me- it was the truth. Because they were already saying what I was thinking. I was reluctant to enter into this kind of intimacy with you, not for the reason I thought or the reason I gave. It's not because you are some megastar- although that really intensifies the situation. It's because, I think I'm not good enough. I mean really think about it. I've never been in a relationship and no one has ever wanted one with me. Whereas you on the other hand, literally have thousands of girls professing their love for you everyday.Even if you were normal, I would still feel like you could easily move on from me, and I care about you too much to even imagine that. I didn't tell you because although perfect doesn't exist I don't want to give you any reason to run away.'