Storms To Weather - M. Shadows fanfic

Part 1 - Haunted

"Matt?" Heidi called softly as she approached the sofa slowly. "Matt?"

He pulled his eyes away from the Christmas tree and looked up at her, "Huh? Sorry, what?"

"Are you okay?" she asked, unable to mask her concern. She sat gently beside him and put a hand on his knee. "I know it must be..." she paused, looking up at the chandelier as she searched for the right word in her head, "difficult for you today."

"Yeah," he offered lamely in reply. He wasn't sure what else to say. 'Difficult' didn't even begin to cover it.

The bridge of Heidi's nose creased a little as she tried her hardest to conjure words up. Any would have done, but they had completely deserted her. Matt turned his gaze back to the twinkling lights again, watching them flicker and flash. It was proving to be just distracting enough of an activity that he'd been partaking in it for the last hour to try and keep his mind away from the dark cloud that was waiting just over the horizon, ready to engulf him at any moment.

"Do you need anything?" Heidi asked, trying not to seem like she was hovering over him.

I need Lizzie.

"No, nothing."

"Okay," she relented, "I'll call you when dinner is ready. Come join us in the kitchen if you want, though hiding in here is the safest option if you don't want to be on sprout duty."

He smiled faintly at her joke, "I'll stick in here, but thanks."

"Shout me if you need anything," the petite blonde reminded him before quietly departing.

He was thankful to her, even if he didn't seem it. It had been ten long months, but Christmas had crept up and reopened the wound with an eye-watering sting. Every passing holiday the snow globe of emotions was shaken up and a chaotic flurry of anger, resentment and aching sadness would whirl around him once again, but this was the worst he had been so far.

Elizabeth had loved Christmas. She insisted on going full bore as soon as December 1st rolled around. She played Christmas songs until he was sick of them, wore some truly terrible Christmas jumpers and decorated every inch of the house. He would always grumble and complain, but secretly loved her enthusiasm for the festive season. Without her touch this year, the house seemed unbearably gloomy. He couldn't stand to be there, and so he ended up here at Brian and Heidi's, where he was casting a dark shadow over their celebrations. He was grateful that they'd offered, and surprised himself when he found himself accepting, but now couldn't help but worry that he was dampening everyone's spirits. It just wasn't the same. Brian and Heidi's house was decorated beautifully, but the tasteful decorations were a far cry from Elizabeth's love of gaudy, glitter covered tat. It only made him ache for her even more.





He'd actually met her in December. She ran the bakery a few streets away, and he'd called in to pick up a couple of the brownies that his mother loved on his way to visit her. Elizabeth had been looking particularly beautiful that day. She was flushed and flustered as she scrambled to stay on top of the rush of Christmas orders, a few strands of her fiery red hair slipping out of the bun that was piled at the back of her head. He'd always admired her beauty from a far, glancing in surreptitiously any time he'd passed her little shop, but very rarely did he have the excuse to call in. When he did, he couldn't ever bring himself to utter more than his order, and then he'd put his head down and swiftly exit the shop, the little cardboard box of treats held tightly to his chest. This day, though, something was different. Elizabeth always used to say that it was Christmas spirit that had brought them together, which had always made him roll his eyes and groan. Whatever it was that had possessed him to speak up that day, it had been the spark that brought them together.

"Hey bro," Brian called from the kitchen, interrupting his memories, "come get some food! There's a shedload. Heidi reckons you've lost weight and she's trying to beef you up again- ow!" There was a grumble, and then a whispered protest, "Well, you did say that!"

He wanted to join in with the laughter coming from the kitchen, but hearing them banter back and forth seemed to only twist the knife of being alone. They had each other, and he had no one. He pulled himself up from the sofa wearily, reluctance weighing heavily on his shoulders. Perhaps staying with Brian and his wife and their happy marriage wasn't such a good idea after all. What was the alternative though? A house where the emptiness loomed so heavily that it crept into his sleep. He often had nightmares of nothingness, of being alone forever; or was forced to relive the worst moment of his life, dragging out forever until he woke, gasping for breath and cowering away from his own mind and memories.

"Matt!" Brian called out again.

Heavy footsteps fell along the corridor he made to retrieve his friend. Matt ambled towards the hall, trying to look as though he was making an effort. Brian appeared in the doorway, a goofy grin plastered to his face.

"I'm coming," Matt assured him, plodding across the room.

"Heidi has outdone herself," he remarked, hoping to lift the hazel-eyed man's spirits. "And she's even made dessert this year instead of buying it from the store, how about that?"

"Nice," Matt smiled back, trying to muster up some enthusiasm. Heidi's cooking really was delicious, but even her butter-laden, fluffy roast potatoes and perfectly seasoned turkey couldn't stir up any hunger in him. All he wanted was the one thing he'd never have again. Elizabeth.







Brian and Heidi had been childhood sweethearts. They'd met in school and swept themselves up into a whirlwind romance. Heidi was perfect for Brian. They were night and day, yin and yang, black and white; complete opposites, but neither could exist without the other. They had a connection that most people could only have dreamed of. Matt had always loved one of his best friends had found his soulmate, but now it hurt to watch them complement each other so perfectly.

"We're really glad you came to stay with us, Matt," Heidi smiled, loading his plate up with slices of turkey that he didn't really want. "It's nice to all be together."

Matt squirmed a little. Together. There was nothing 'together' about it for him. She set the plate down in front of him and began on another for Brian.

"You want a beer?" Brian asked, disappearing into the gigantic fridge in search of them.

Matt shook his head, "No thanks."

"Sure?" Brian pressed, holding a bottle out to him. "It's your favourite."

His friend weighed it up for a moment in his head before relenting, "Okay, hand it over."






Despite his initial reluctance of joining his friends for dinner, Matt picked at the food on his plate and even managed a few bites. Once the plates were cleared and Brian and Heidi had forced their way through as much baked Alaska as they could possibly manage, they all retired to the lounge where Matt could finally revert to his previous distraction of staring at the Christmas tree. His barely-touched beer had followed him from the kitchen to where it rested on his lap, clutched wearily between his two hands. A Christmas movie that no one was paying attention to played quietly in the background as Brian and Heidi spoke softly between themselves. Matt hadn't really been listening until the subject turned to something he deemed mildly interesting.

"Zacky said his sister came home for Christmas. She's coming to the party tomorrow," Heidi mentioned as she took a sip of her wine. "Apparently she's had some kind of falling out with their father."

"Really? He never said anything to me," Brian replied with interest. "When did you hear this?"

She reached for a chocolate, despite being stuffed from dinner, "Only yesterday. Lily called to double check the time and told me. Zach was with her and Johnny the night before when he got the call. Maria or something, her name is."

"Mariana," Brian corrected. "When their parents split, she went with their father to Florida. That was when she was thirteen and we were fifteen, just before you and I started dating. They'd always been quite close so Zach was devastated, but she wanted to go for whatever reason." He paused, scratching his stubble as he thought. "Fuck, that was something like eight years ago now."

"More like ten," Heidi snickered, giving him a nudge. "It's a good thing you're pretty because you're definitely not smart."

"Shut up," he teased, balling up a candy wrapper and launching it at her.

Their conversation returned to subjects that Matt found less than fascinating, so he returned to his Christmas tree watch. He found his eyes drifting downwards to the colourful paper below. They'd not yet opened any presents, Matt presumed because of his presence. He felt a pang of guilt as his eyes roamed over the various boxes; Heidi's purchases all dressed up gaily with ribbons and bows, and Brian's wrapped haphazardly with an extra side of sticky tape.

"You guys can go ahead and open those if you want," he mumbled, gesturing at the stacks beneath the tree. "Don't let me hold you back."

"You going to join us?" Brian asked, setting his beer down on the coffee table. "No pressure."

"Me?" Matt asked, looking around as though the question might have been directed at someone else. "I don't have shit to open, dude."

"Of course you do," Brian laughed. "You think no one bought anything for you?"

"What do you mean?"

Heidi smiled and placed a hand on his arm. "We rounded everyone up and brought all your presents here so you'd have something to open with us," she explained, quickly adding, "only if you want to, of course."

Matt hesitated as they looked on at him, waiting for his answer. It didn't feel right to open presents without Elizabeth. She'd always been so excited, feverishly ripping at the paper as though she was setting a world record for speed unwrapping and then marvelling in wonder at her newest possession, even if it was simply a pair of socks. "I'm not sure," he confessed slowly, trying to lean away from the memory of her excited jabbering. "I don't really know how to do this anymore."

"We get it, man," Brian nodded. "Well, we don't get it, but we can understand that this year is going to be weird for you. Don't rush it if you're not ready. We can wait as well if you're not up for it."

"No," Matt protested quickly, swatting the idea away. "You guys go ahead. It will be nice to have the distraction."

"Are you sure?" Heidi asked, frowning slightly. "We really don't mind waiting."

Matt shook his head forcefully, "No way. I'm serious." He gave a little laugh and waved Brian on, "Go, dude. Get your shit and have a good time. I just don't think I'm ready to join in yet."







Brian approached the tree gingerly, clearly unsure about proceeding, but after a little more encouragement from his friend, he began dishing presents out to Heidi with vigour.

"This one's yours... and this one... oh, and this one," he added, checking through the tags unnecessarily. It was pretty clear to Matt whose gifts were whose thanks to Brian's poor wrapping, but it was sweet that he pretended he didn't know. The act set off another sweeping wave of heartache, knowing that he would have done similar with Elizabeth had she been here.

"Lizzie loved opening presents," he suddenly volunteered, startling the lovebirds with his abrupt contribution. "And she loved watching people open presents, especially presents from her, because she had that psychic ability to get you exactly what you wanted."

Brian recovered quickly from his shock and laughed. "Amen to that. Remember that year when one of the presents she got me was that personalised guitar pick with a close up of Heidi's face on it? Fucking hilarious."

"And she always got me the best kitchen stuff," Heidi interjected. "I almost asked her to marry me when she gave me that Kitchenaid."

"Which I specifically told her not to get because you already have enough baking shit that you don't use," Brian groaned. "You never even made your own cakes because you always got Lizzie to make them for you anyway."

"Lizzie was a professional, Brian," Heidi retorted. "I never saw you complaining when I got her to make your birthday cakes."

"You're going to have to do it yourself this year, sucker," Brian teased before he could stop himself. He clapped a hand over his mouth immediately, instant regret hanging on every one of his features. His eyes darted over to his friend, "Oh shit. Matt, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

Matt shrugged despondently, "Doesn't matter. It's true."

"Christ, I feel like such a dick. I swear I didn't-"

"Bri," Matt interrupted quickly, "it's fine. Seriously."

Brian gave him a deeply apologetic look before turning back to the present in his lap, desperate to try and change the subject and ease the awkwardness.

Matt finally took a deep swig of his beer and tried to drown out the swirling snowstorm of grief inside.

It wasn't fine. Things would never be fine again.

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