Now That I Know

II.

~ㅇ•*°^∆^°*•ㅇ~

"If no one can understand me

Then my dream will make you understand"

As we were getting closer to the building where our practice room was, bigger and bigger weight started to develop in my chest. It was suffocating. I didn't know I'd be this whiny, but nothing made it easier for me. I still couldn't look at Donghyuck let alone speaking with him and it seemed neither was he permanently affected by my behaviour yesterday. He was with Mark in the front, telling him how he and Yuta "scared the shit out of Taeyong" a week ago, and I was at the back walking with Jeno in silence. He didn't say anything,  clearly knowing that I was stressed and speaking about it wouldn't be a good idea right before dance practice however starting an other topic for conversation also didn't seem to be very fruitful. So, we stayed quiet and listened to Renjun, Chenle and Jisung talking about our song.

It was a new experience for everyone; the most meaningful year and the most serious topic in DREAM's life was coming up soon. Until this time, it was only hovering above us like a reoccurring nightmare, which we were waiting for to evaporate itself, but now it became so vivid and harsh that it hurt our imagination: Mark's graduation and with that, his leaving from the group. We knew, GO wasn't the last song we would do together, since the management had planned a proper comeback for us until September but still, we had less and less time to be together. 

And this song, as I remembered the lyrics, hit us very hard, at least me. Since my part was recorded with me alone during my recovery, I had the time and the loneliness to think about it. It was way more serious and mature – wilder and sexier too – than the songs before. Jeno once told me, that he was nervous during its recording. Very rarely was he nervous during recording...

This song somehow reminded me of how fast time actually goes, how fast and suddenly things change around us. Our songs before seemed always evergreen, they had the vibe of some kind of never-fading, like our happiness and childish features would never pass. And this song, GO, seemed to not just open up many other boxes full of teenage problems and desires but to smash the previously carefully-built jewellery box of young ease into a million pieces; and show, how relativity really goes with both the terribly passing feeling of youth and the eternal truthfulness in it.

It gave me goosebumps, really...

I reminded myself to tell the boys, how good and passionately they all sang and to Mark how much I liked his verse in the song. And if I wasn't a timid bunny I'd tell Donghyuck how beautiful his voice sounded and how I liked his last part when he overlapped his own voice and created a magnificent duo with himself. He really is a precious singer. 

And I really am a timid bunny.

And of course, our dance instructor put me in the middle. He said it'd be perfect, since it was also my comeback from the hiatus.

Yeah.

Divine.

I had a rap part in the middle, then I was put in the centre again.

Superb.

It all would be nice if I wasn't dying in fever or fluttering myself from time to time with some stupid mistake.

I tried hard to keep up with the pace and rush at sudden place-exchanges.

Often changes of locomotion, hard and intense pops and locks, running and jumping were all in us, around us, making me dizzy and at the same time so concentrated, like I didn't have anything else than this one dance, like I lived without tomorrow. Like I didn't have any other problems. Like I had this one chance to prove my worth, the whole meaning of my existence. I swear, there were times I was freely dancing, and I really tasted a bit of relieve and mayhap victory too.