i'm almost me again (she's almost you) • satzu

21

This guest of summer,
The temple-haunting martlet, does approve,
By his lov'd mansionry, that the heaven's breath
Smells wooingly here; no jutty, frieze,
Buttress, nor coign of vantage, but this bird
Hath made its pendent bed, and procreant cradle:
Where they most breed and haunt, I have observ'd,
The air is delicate.

- William Shakespeare, Macbeth (1605), Act I, scene 6, line 3.

-

The first few days were hard. Tzuyu felt like she was floundering, confused by her newfound relationship with Sana, scared by how right it felt, and just downright conflicted by the feelings within her. But it got easier after that.

By unspoken agreement, she slept in Sana's bed, marvelling at how strange it was to fall asleep beside someone and wake up to them the next day, feeling safe beneath the pressure of Sana's arm thrown across her waist as they slept, feeling shy as she stretched herself awake the next morning, pink-cheeked with bleary eyes and wild hair. She went through the motions; showering and dressing in Sana's borrowed clothes for the time being, wearing frilly summer dresses and finding that she liked it, eating breakfast at the kitchen table or downstairs as Sana got a headstart on her day's work, folding laundry and tidying up the apartment as the hours slipped by.

They waited until the end of august to visit Metropolis, on the cusp of the ivy-covered cottage turning crimson and fiery orange, a stunning view that Sana knew Tzuyu would sit outside to admire, bundled up in a coat as she watched the swallows leave for the year. They'd be back next spring, but it would feel like an ending and a new beginning at the same time. Sana could already smell of apples ripening late scented the air as the earthy smell of petrichor suffused everything, the sky a cloudy white more often than blue at that time of year as the full bloom of summer came to a close.

It was still early for it yet, but Sana would still watch Tzuyu from the kitchen windows as she scrubbed dishes, taking in the dark haired figure talking with Eunha as she took a smoke break, or sitting by the river reading a book, the wind ruffling her hair and the pages as she basked in the lingering sunlight of late summer. A warmth would fill Sana's chest as she watched her, an indescribable feeling of joy at the fact that she was still there. Some days, it felt like a dream, like it was too good to be true.

But Sana was resolute in her stubborn opinion that she deserved this. It was hard at times, watching Tzuyu buckle under the weight of all her effort, when all she wanted to do was take the burden from her, but they struggled through it, until Tzuyu could bear it a little easier with a strength Sana couldn't help but admire. Her resilience was a quality that Sana couldn't help but sadly applaud her for, as Tzuyu struggled through the confusing grief of losing so many people that she'd loved.

Sana could understand heartbreak, the devastating blow of it that left you breathless, the crushing sadness and worthlessness the slammed into you, and she could help with that, because she knew it all too well. It had taken her months to move past the bitter betrayal of Mike's infidelity, finding a camaraderie with Eunha to help bolster her through it, and she still carried the scars of her mother leaving her as a child, dropping her off with Eliza and never coming back. But Sana had only ever known the loss of her father, the painful edges of the loss dulled with time and the fading of memories. Helping Tzuyu mourn for a person they'd both known was something that was beyond Sana, but it didn't stop her from trying.

They took walks together, trampling fallen leaves underfoot as they entwined their fingers, and Tzuyu pointed out flowers she recognised from the books she'd read, or birds flitting from branch to branch, while Sana smiled. She loved the way she talked, the quiet confidence in Tzuyu's voice, the way she gestured and spoke with her eyebrows. There was an intelligence to her that Sana admired, a knack for noticing things that other people would miss, and her eyes were so watchful, so beautiful in the sunshine and even more so when they creased with a smile.