No Feelings Allowed (Raihan x OC, NSFW)

22 - Samantha

Alright time for a fun duo chapter, this one focusing solely on Sam :) 

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Samantha's phone started buzzing even before the taxi touched down in Wyndon. She had a feeling it was Nessa or Leon or both, but she ignored them. It was wrong of her to do so, she knew, but she couldn't bring herself to tell them why she'd run away. It would be too much. She was already shattered, and trying to tell them she'd fallen for Raihan would have only crushed the pieces more. And yet, she wanted to talk to someone. Anyone. She needed to. The weight was just so heavy and hurt so much, and she didn't know what to do.

When Aaron broke her, she'd only had anguish and despair that consumed her. She had the realization that everything had been a lie to give her some sense of reality and Darcy had given her a means to escape. But Raihan? She'd done it to herself. She'd been the one to crush that light in her life, and there was no despair. She was just running from a blissful life that she could no longer have because she'd breached the gap she was never supposed to cross.

The redhead ignored the concerned calls of the taxi pilot once they landed back in Wyndon, and she walked to her apartment, arms wrapped tight around her body. She sobbed again with fresh tears and hurried inside. An empty house greeted her, her Pokémon at the daycare at the Pokécenter. It suited her. She deserved it. She'd been such a damn fool, and she knew she'd hurt Raihan, too. Maybe not directly, but she knew falling for him was the worst thing to do. She'd ruined their fun and the relationship they had, and now she wasn't sure if she could even be friends. For a man who treasured his friends above all else, was there any worse thing?

Samantha choked on a sob as she slid down the entryway door, bringing her knees close. Her arms wrapped around, keeping them pressed to her brow. She shook slightly, letting the silence be filled only by her cries.

She was pathetic. Maybe even more than she had been before. It hurt so much, too—even worse than when Aaron had ruined her. Her chest was so tight she thought she might suffocate, and her body ached. She wanted so badly to go back to him—to tell him how sorry she was and how she hadn't meant to do it and promise she'd find a way to smother the feelings, but she knew she couldn't. There was no going back after realizing what her jealousy meant; what the pounding of her heart around him meant; what her yearning for his touch and kiss even outside of sex meant; how his staying had meant so much to her.

She was totally and completely in love with Raihan, and she didn't even know when or how it happened.

And it had ruined their friendship. 

She'd broken the rules; brought in feelings where they shouldn't be. He would never give her what she wanted, and she couldn't stop her feelings and live as they had. The only choice was to run away, just as she always did. The worst part was that she knew there was no way to become stronger to face this in the future. She could only run and remove herself from his life to spare him the pain as much as she could. It would be better for both of them.

And yet, she knew she couldn't do it.

Her phone buzzed again, this time in rhythm. She dared to lift her head up to finally look at the device, slipping it from her pocket and letting it float beside her. It was Nessa, as she thought, but she didn't answer; just let it ring until it went to voicemail. The screen showed quite a few missed calls, actually, and a handful of messages from both the Gym Leader and Leon. She could imagine what they said. She didn't open them. She wasn't ready to talk to them, even though she wanted to. Arceus, did she want to tell them everything so they could tell her what she should do, but they were too close to it. She didn't want Nessa to have been right, even though she was. She didn't want Leon to try and cheer her up and tell her it would be alright—because it wasn't. And wouldn't be. She was alone this time; Darcy wasn't here to shout sense into her.