Rose of Sharon |Courting Trouble BK 2|

Chapter 22 (Part 2)

"I love you." Before she could temper her thoughts, the words flowed out.

A horrified Katrina slapped a hand to her mouth and buried her face into his chest, concealing it with the tear sodden material that was his white shirt.

"What?" The surprised Ryan stiffened. "What did you say?" he smiled as he attempted to look down at her face, but it remained hidden by his chest and the light thread that had woven his shirt.

"It's...it's nothing." she stumbled from within the confines of his shirt, burying her face even deeper as she worried that he would ask her for more.

Still, the man smiled. If her timid behavior was anything to go by, then, she must have actually said those words, those three words that he had thought he had imagined hearing her say them.

"It's fine. I am willing to wait until you are ready to say them. " he answered even as his arms grew tighter around her, circling her in possessively hug that brought warmth to her cheeks. "You have my heart Katrina." he told her. "My devotion is sorely to you, my love. " He added as he capped both cheeks with his hands and lifted up her head to glance into her forest green tear filled eyes. He wanted her to see it. Katrina could tell. He wanted her to see the sincerity that he held there. The conviction of his words and even more, the willingness that he felt to go far and beyond to fight for her love.

But Katrina was scared.

Scared of those three words and what it meant to speak them. She was scared of the vulnerability that it brought to her, just to think of how her heart swelled whenever she gazed at him.

"I...am...I'm scared." she finally admitted. "I'm scared Ryan. I do not want to get hurt again. To pour out my heart and to have my emotions trampled." she found herself saying even as the tears in her eyes continued their downward flow down her now pinkened cheeks and to the top hemline of her dress. "I do not know of if I can take it." she continued to tell him. "I do not know if I have it within myself to go through all that hell again. I can't. I just can't!"

"I know. I understand, but don't sell yourself short my love. You are a strong woman. Stronger than you even know and than you credit yourself for. Don't look down upon on your own strength, for I admire it. I promise you, I will never take you for granted again. "

"But... "

"Ssh... Whenever you are ready. " He smiled. "Don't push yourself on my account. I am willing to wait however long it takes. Just take your time and whenever you are ready I will be waiting for you."

Katrina sniffled. Those were the most touching words he had ever spoken and as she thought on those words, she started to realise that he was actually right.

How wrong had she been, to think that she was not strong? No, she was much stronger to have been able to go through all that and still come out alive. To be able to be still standing even now, it required strength and so, to loose her confidence and to only think of her weaknesses was a great insult to her God and his Spirit that was dwelling within her. It was an insult to her own faith. To the faith that she was now clinging on; for as a man thinketh so is he. In this case, her - a woman.

Hadn't the scriptures taught her that much? To not lose her confidence for it bore a great reward? Where was the boldness with which she had conquered the world of business? Where was that confidence?

"You are right! " she finally admitted to him. "I am stronger than I feel and I should stop cowering. I should say what I mean and mean what I say." she added as she pulled away from his arms to wipe away all the remaining traces of the tears that she had just shed. Not just now, but all those tears from way back then. From the moment that she had learnt that she was engaged. "You are right. " she emphasised once again. "That said, I will not allow you to continue feeding me the same crap you did back then and mark my words, for I will not say them to you again. This is the final chance that I am giving you."

The man nodded has he rose up from the place thsfhe had taken beside her on the bed.

"I understand." he nodded yet again. "You should eat your food now, before it gets cold. I on the other hand will go back to the kitchen and check on my dinner that I left on. I will drop by later to take the tray and check on you."he smiled.This time though, she was the one to nod even as he turned to walk out of the room to attend to his own meal.

Had she been too forward? She wondered as she doubted herself.

Had she said something that she shouldn't have or was it something that she had left out? What had led her to suddenly blurt out those three words?

This pregnancy! She lamented the hormones that would not allow her to think straight. That's it! She finally decided. I cannot trust myself to make major decisions in this state and as such, she pushed forward all the matters pertaining to her emotions forward with a plan to address them at a later date.

Elsewhere, Ryan was descending the stairs lost deep in his thoughts. He knew that he had heard her clearly. Her words and the hastily said confession of her thoughts and hopefully, her hidden true emotions. It had pleased him to hear it, but he also knew of her reservations and the conflicting thoughts that surrounded him and that matter.

She had loved him once and he had broken her. Even now, he felt ashamed to even think about it. Of the torment that his treatment of her must have caused her. What his lack of consideration had done to her and forced her through. At the time, he had been like a wounded animal, lashing out at even at the hand that would feed him. That would show him kindness. If anything he was very much deserving of her wrath and definitely not her love right now, but despite knowing all that now, he still pursued her for he needed it. The love that would allow them to create a home. That would make it whole. More whole than the broken one that he himself had grown up in.

These past few months had shown him how strong Katrina was. A beautiful winter rose that he had tried to trample in a destructive rage. The rose had withstood all that and finally bloomed, allowing him to see its beauty. A beauty that he had once sought to destroy.

Katrina was strong and no matter how else she saw it, he would not allow her to see herself as anything but strong. It did not matter to him that much that by doing so there was a chance that his own prospects and interests would meet damnation. No, for he had promised himself that he would respect her and he would continue to do so by refusing to take advantage of her low point in order to propel his own status in her present life.

"No my love." he strengthened his resolve in his mind. "When you say those words, I want it to be because you have no doubt whatsoever in your heart that you feel it. I want you to be full of conviction that those words are both true and right for you. And until then, until you are sure and are ready to speak about what you are really feeling, I will be here waiting just as you waited for me all those years that I was lost."