A storm of sand and blaze (Gaara fanfiction and The Love Story He Deserves)

Chapter 26: Inside a god's stomach

This time the free-fall inside the void began to slow down a minute after Gaara and Feza were swallowed. They descended slower and slower until finally, they stopped, softly touching a wet bottom with the tip of their feet. The absolute darkness around them dissolved once a hundred eyes opened all around the stomach walls. They had long and pointy pupils like the eyes of a snake and the iris had a yellow color that shimmered like warm lamps on a summer night.

Gaara and Feza looked around with hesitation, uncertain about what would happen next. The eyes took some seconds to examine them. Then, a deep masculine voice released an evil laugh.

"It's you again!" The voice came from every corner. It had traces of mockery. "I think this had never happened before!"

"We need your help to go back home", Gaara tried to explain.

"Lately so many people need my help and what do I get in exchange? Nothing!"

"What?"

"A disturbing kid called Shinki summoned me some days ago using the scroll," Benten said. "He pledged to me that he was a member of the Kaji clan. But being a man, he could not use the firebird jutsu. He seemed certainly suspicious but when he asked me to help him destroy the Hidden Village of the Sand, I had no other choice but to accept. I hate shinobi and my honor forced me to serve a member of this clan".

"He lied to you!" Feza spoke feeling a wave of sudden anger. "That blood was not his! He probably got the blood from me when I had that accident in Konoha" the girl said thoughtfully to the boy.

"Yeah, I realized the blood was yours later when I ate you two! But the kid sealed me again before I could destroy him for fooling a god... and you ended up falling in another time and space hopelessly. I must admit it's pretty impressive to have you here again".

"Please, take us back. I'm begging you". The girl asked with anguish.

Benten laughed again and then spoke in a condescending tone

"And what do I earn from that? I have not been but used and fooled since shinobi began to rule the world! Why would I obey you? Why would I help you? You have the right blood and the fire jutsu that I gave to the Kaji clan, I see. But you are nothing more than a scared little girl...It disgusts me!"

"That's enough. Leave her alone" Gaara interrupted him. "I will become your rider if that's what you want. But you must take us back".

"HA!" Benten laughed again with true irritation. "You? Who said I wanted you, snobby prince? Didn't you just hear I hate shinobi? Ugh, specially shinobi like you. Were you gifted with a special technique since you were born? Then, you are nothing more than a spoiled brat. You all think those stupid powers are what matters the most to become strong. Well, you know nothing, if you never had to really make a sacrifice! Being a rider means sacrifice and to leave everything behind. Can a Sand Prince do that? Can you leave your life behind to train for decades in order to master a rider's power?"

The pupils of the hundred eyes dilated and their color turned into a cold blue. Gaara and Feza had been holding hands since they were falling, but this time she squeezed his hand a bit harder.

"I can do it". She said.

"No," Gaara looked at her. "There must be another way!"

"But I want to do it!" She exclaimed as her eyes filled with tears. "You have a role to fulfill as the Fifth Kazekage... While I have never actually found a real place for me".

"But..."

"Meeting you was a breaking point in my life", she explained trying to smile at him with her broken lips. "Because I got to see a part of the world that is better than I ever knew. That's why I will always cherish and hold on to the memories we have shared. But... Don't you see it? All my life has not been but a mirage. I didn't even know who I was and secretly I always hoped to be acknowledged by others. Because perhaps that would make me feel like a real person.

Gaara, you made me change the way I saw things. You inspired me to become better and with your support, I finally felt like a person and not a shadow anymore. You gave me strength when I lacked confidence. Furthermore, all this time we have been together, I have learned that the purpose of becoming strong and capable is to be useful in times of crisis, to have the strength that allows us to protect those that we value. Because one should not beg for respect and love but earn it.

Still, if I go with you I'd find strength but no purpose nor skill. And I would hopelessly end up relying on you again and again. Being more dead weight than an equal to you. Because you are an entire man... but I am still a half-woman".

Gaara's expression turned deeply sad. He wanted to tell her she did not need to do any of that. She was his wife after all. He could give her everything she had ever wanted...

That's not true.

He could not give her that part of her she was missing. She had to find it herself. For many years he had met shinobi looking for a reason to understand their own existence. Even himself had been one of those wanderers in search of a true purpose before he became Kazekage. Thus, he could appreciate entirely the girl's motivations to take such a decision. Nevertheless, that understanding did not ease the ache in his chest.

"Perhaps you have some guts after all" Benten's voice interrupted the boy's thoughts. "I accept you as my rider, little girl. I assure you I will forge a great warrior out of you. Now, It's time to go. We have things to do".

Feza nodded and before stepping back she held tightly Gaara's hands one last time.

"We'll meet again". She said smiling.

But Gaara had the feeling he was not going to see her again. He wanted to tell her, but he could not find the right words. Instead, he smiled back hiding his sorrow, realizing it would be selfish to ask her to stay.

The floor where they were standing dissolved into nothingness and the light from each of the hundred eyes faded. They were falling again as the only light that illuminated them came from Feza's hair that shined like a vivid flame. Gaara noticed how his hands grew, compared to hers. In the reflection of her eyes, he noticed he was an adult again.

Why is she still a little girl?

A soft but constant force pushed them apart little by little until it became impossible to keep holding each other's fingers.

"We'll meet again". Gaara repeated her same words and finally let go.

His voice got lost into the darkness of the void. As he fell, he thought of the many wasted moments with her. Perhaps because his whole existence was absorbed on being a fine shinobi, the Fifth Kazekage, he had accepted with the years that he did not need to be anything else. Shinobi are the ones who endure. That phrase had always accompanied him, filling his life with meaning, and yet, it seemed so empty at that moment when he felt nothing but a deep pain.

Because sometimes, it's easier to be a shinobi than to be human.