The Only Exception

Chapter Fifteen: How to Love?

Jade West

...

I hate it!

I hate it!!

I hate it!!!

I can't believe I let him see this side of me! So vulnerable and helpless! What was I thinking?! This whole thing is messing me up. I'm this supposed to be this great actress who is good at pretending and mocking people who just accidentally just open up with someone who thinks is a perfect representation of a boyfriend?!

Who is not by the way. He is doing a terrible job at it. He is not trying whatsoever.

I'm okay with Cat seeing this pathetic side of me because I know she's not going to judge me and make fun of me. I trust her for that eventhough she's not that 'bright' or 'smart' and may have some 'mental' issues which isn't as bad as her brother which should be in a mental asylum as I keep suggesting her parents to throw him there. So, yeah, I don't mind Cat.

What I mind is Beck.

I know he's going to make fun of me I just knew it! He's going to tell everyone, especially Tori, and then everyone about my ridiculous panic attack. He's going to ruin my reputation.

Why am I feeling like this? I shouldn't feel this way. I have control. I should have control over this situation. Why did it bother me? It's not that hard.

What am I saying? Face it, Jade. Your slipping. No! I can't! I did not build up my reputation for nothing! Am I hyperventilating? I think I am. Oh God, no. No. No. No.

Stop it

Stop it!

Stop it!!

"Ms. West!"

I quickly stop myself from mentally fighting and shift my focus on my Music Teacher who is now staring at me annoyingly.

"Ms. West, I don't know why you're in a foul mood today, in which you are everyday in my class, but please stop scaring your classmates. Your scowling is making them nervous."

I look around and she's right. All of them look so pathetically scared. "Mind your own business then. You bunch of babies!"

"Ms. West! Will you kindly not scream at your classmates too. It seems your not feeling well. Go to the nurse's office and check yourself if you're sick or something." My teacher 'kindly' suggest. It's obvious she wants me out before I do something 'unkindly' to the class.

I sat up and quickly exited the class. It's not like I want to be in that class. We were supposed to be doing a group project or something and I don't want to be part of it. It has something to do with singing in duo, I think. It would be easier if it's just solo singing but I guess they want to prove something.

Which is a bunch of baloney if you ask me.

I didn't exactly go to the nurse's office. I mean I do feel cruddy but not to the extent that I'll get sick so I did the right thing and went straight home, to my mom's house. I just can't handle anything right now and I need a moment of peace.

My mom's place is not that far out. It's only like a 5 minute walk from school. It's actually quite helpful to me because my dad sometimes forbade me from using my car for whatever reason or when my car just broke down. Whenever that happens, I sometimes stay at my mom's place because it's easier than walking a few miles and a great reason to not stay at my dad and stepmom's place.

I'll just text Beck back because I know he'll freakout or something and probably or will take me to a hospital if he ever thinks this is a serious illness. Plus, it would save me time to explain to him without face to face interaction. I don't want to see him after what happen today. What's he gonna do? Come to my mom's house?