Trying to Forget You

Chapter 14: When You Say Nothing At All

Ella's POV (Unedited)

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

I turn up the volume on the radio and lean back against the seat of Noah's car. My hands are still resting on the wheel, they haven't left for hours. We have been sitting in his mud covered Jeep for a while now, with nothing but the company of silence.

I don't know what got into me. Why I was acting like I didn't care about anything, about him, when really I am hurting badly inside. I need to hear those words again, I want to hear Jake say those words once more. And though I can't hear him say that now in person, I can sit here in this silence and know for a fact that Jake still loves me.

He is here in my heart, and he will forever be.

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes sayin' you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all

I look out the dash, listening to the wind scream against the windows of the parked car. Stars shine above our head, their beautiful twinkling reminds me of Jake's gorgeous green eyes, how they lit up when he looked at me.

I shake my head and lean against the head rest. I start to rock back and forth and bite my lip, I can feel the tears coming on again. I believe now, it's all starting to set in. He's really gone.

I start to feel my heart beat race and my throat gets tight. I sit up and gasp as tears race down my cheeks, my sobs echo as I grab my throat.

"Ella!" I hear Noah's voice yell. I almost forgot he was even here with me. Why was he still here?

He grabs me and hushes me, but it doesn't work. And the next thing I know he has his hand slapping across my cheek.

I pull back and begin to breathe normally again. I stare at him with teary eyes and put my fingers on my warm cheek.

His mouth opens a little, his eyes widening.

I ignore the tears streaming faster and with a blurry vision, I step out of the car and then slam the door. I start to walk back toward the dirt road, my bare feet whisking through the tall grass and mud tracks made from the car's tires.

He hit me, again. The moment I put in just a ounce of trust, he hits me. Unbelievable.

I wrap my arms around my shoulders and try to walk straight as tears fog my vision and my breathing sits unstable. Right now, all I want is to be dead. That way I could be with Jake, and I wouldn't have to hurt that bad anymore.

I hear another car door slam, and I hope it's not what I think it is.

"Ella!" I hear his voice call after me.

I stop and turn around, he is now just feet from me running. He stops and looks down into my eyes then says,

"Ella, please don't cry. I am really sorry, I didn't mean to make you this upset. I was just trying to snap you out of your anxiety attack. You were scaring me."

I laugh a humorless laugh, "That's what you have always done, Noah. Every time you were scared of me leaving or cheating you would hurt me, both physically and emotionally."

He stares at me, tears gathering in his eyes.

"Ella-"

"I'm falling apart, Noah. I'm barely breathing but somehow, for a reason I may never know, my heart is still beating. I am tired of trying, I'm tired of trying to forget him!" I start to raise my voice and I end up pulling at my hair.

"I can't take it anymore!" I scream, sobs escaping my body. "I need to leave, now!"

I start to run, my feet turning to make a quick escape. But, before I can run away, a hand grabs my wrist, making my heart skip a beat. I swivel around and stare up into Noah's blue watery eyes that are screaming in desperation.

"Don't you dare leave me!" he yells, pleading with angry eyes. His grip on my wrist gets tighter as he brings me closer to him.

I start to fight him, attempting to push him away from me. "Stop! Don't hurt me anymore!"

He stops and grabs my chin.

"Don't leave me." he whispers. "I'm scared, please don't leave me."

I shake my head and look at the ground. "What do you want Noah? Do you want me to be your slut and sleep with you? Do you want me to say that I love you, that it's always been you? Because you won't here it! You won't ever hear me say it!"

The next thing I know, his lips are slammed against mine. My eyes stare at him as my lips refuse to move.

I look up at the stars, I watch them twinkle.

Jake.

My Jake, where are you? Why aren't you here with me? This should be you.

Why aren't you doing anything to stop him, Ella?

I move my eyes down to Noah's shoulder's and watch them shake as he releases my lips and falls to the ground in quiet sobs. His face falls and I catch a glimpse of a tear slip down his cheek.

"I'm sorry!" he sobs, "I am so sorry!"

I slide down onto my knee's beside him and cup his chin. He looks up to me, his face more broken than I have ever seen him.

"It's okay." I say with a small grin, "I know your hurting."

"I lost both of you." he says, looking up into my eyes.

I let a tear of my own fall down my pale cheek and bite my lip, shaking my head.

"I am not the man I want to be, Ella. I lost two of the women I love the lost. Noelle-" his voice breaks, he takes a sharp intake of air to regain his breath.

"she was the love of my life, I will always love her. But Ella,"

"Don't say it." I interupt, looking down from his eyes and to the wet, dead grass that is tinted from the darkness of the midnight scene.

"Ella, we both lost the one we love and we lost our best friend. I lost Noelle, and so did you. And I know you also lost Jake, and trust me, I know how you feel."

But, Ella, I want to become a better man. I am done being the man I was, because that's what killed Noelle."

I frown and shake my head again, "Noah, you know that's not true."

"Ella, listen to me. I may not have Noelle anymore, but please hear me out."

I stay silent, listening to the echo of my breathing. He stares at me, his chin still cupped in my hands.

I close my eyes and I hear a faint whisper as his lips caress my ear. In my head, his words ring and shake my thoughts. I feel hot tears and mixed emotions as he whispers those three words into my ear, over and over again.

"I love you."

Here is another chapter! :D Please don't kill me! :D

This is sort of my Christmas present to ya'll, Merry Christmas, or Happy Holiday's! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and I know it's short ;( please do comment though (don't be a silent reader!) and vote too if you wanna :)

I will update soon, promise! Enjoy loves :)

FreshFictionFan