06 | limerence

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06

MY LIFE HAD always been a blank page

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MY LIFE HAD always been a blank page.

Even from the start, even as a child, I never really had glimmering aspirations. I never wanted to be an astronaut or a veterinarian or a ballerina — I never dreamed of the future or yearned to be grown up.

It wasn't that I didn't want to do those things, because even as a girl I'd accepted the fact that growing up was an inevitable factor of life.

It was more that I didn't need to do them. I didn't need to dream about my future. I didn't need to reverie about being an adult. I'd always just been content where I was at, at the age I was at, in the place I was at.

My dad would've called it small minded. He would've shook his head, placed his hand on my shoulder, and told me:

"There's so much more out there, H. You've just got to look for it."

But I didn't need to look for it. I never felt that pressing ache in my gut to get out, to leave, to travel, to expand my horizons.

I'd inherited that from my mom. That casual, content, go-with-the-flow wavelength that a lot of people would've called a curse, or maybe even just lazy.

But it wasn't. Not to me, and not to my mom. I found it as more of a blessing: that I could settle down anywhere and be happy. That I could end up not getting what I wanted, and be happy. That I could —

"Harper?"

I glanced backwards, just as a depleted Chase scaled the hill. He stopped to catch his breath, the evening sun reflecting his scrunched features as he peered at me.

"Man, that...that really is a hell of a hike," he said, after a breathless beat.

I furrowed my eyebrows, adjusting my position on the grass to face him. "What are you doing here, Chase?"

"I, uh — " he approached me, and it was then that I noticed a makeshift flower bouquet grasped in his hand. He sat down beside me, offering it forward. "I got you this. A peace offering."

I looked at it, hesitantly, before looking back at Chase. "You took these from Lillian's garden, didn't you?"

"Okay, it was a last resort, I swear. I couldn't find flowers in any of the stores, and..." his voice faded out, but he still looked at me, silently pleading. "Look, I know you're mad at me, so I wanted to say: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to insult you or anything. I guess I just thought...well, to be honest with you, Harper — "

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