Cascading from Nirvana

Dos

Azaria's POV

THAT NIGHT, I reread some of my books in Algebra and Calculus just to refresh my knowledge. Ayon kay Madame Theresa, magsisimula na agad bukas ang tutorial session ko sa kuya ni Khalyx, whose name is still unknown to me.

Kinakabahan ako at hindi ko rin alam kung bakit tinanggap ko ito. Changes like this is unfamiliar to me. Especially na kasing-edad ko ang tuturuan ko, I find it quite awkward and troublesome.

Ano kaya kung hindi na lang ako pumasok bukas? O kung umuwi na lang ako agad at iwasan ko na lang na dumaan sa library? That could do it. I'll just tell Madame na sumama ang pakiramdam ko or something really emergency happened.

Argh. I removed my glasses and softly knock the table with my head. That idea was absurd. What was I thinking just now? That might saved me for tomorrow or the next couple of days but it won't solve my problem. I'll just prolong it.

Napasandal ako sa aking upuan at marahang kinusot ang mga mata. I think I need to unwind. I, again, went to the rooftop to stargaze. Naging madali sa akin ang pagpunta rito dahil sa maliit na attic ang aking kwarto, which I silently thank though.

I lie there and peacefully admire the perfection of the cosmos way above me. So tranquil. Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata habang dinarama ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Naramdaman kong tumabi sa akin si Vert na tila ba naglalambing. Agad ko namang hinimas ang balahibo nito. I named him Vert because of his green eyes and I guess he liked it.

"Vert, can I ask you a question?" I asked the innocent cat. I looked at him and he's just sitting while licking his paws.

I sighed. "Do you love your parents? Your family?" I continue to talk to him, right now, I just wanted someone who'll listen to me.

"Meow."

"I love mine, too. But I'm the reason they're gone." I say in a low voice, trying to hold the tears back, trying hard to keep my feelings and emotions caged inside my heart.

I may not know my past, but my heart never fails to remind me how much I treasure my parents. I hate that they're gone and I don't have a single memory with them that I can treasure, kahit isang alaala lang sana. Kahit isa lang.

Minsan sa sobrang sakit ng mga pangyayari sa buhay natin, hinihiling natin na sana makalimot na lamang tayo. Sana burahin na lang sa alaala ang mga memoryang nagbibigay ng sakit at kalungkutan. But I don't want that, I want to remember every single pain that I have felt. Because I know, for every pain is a happiness within.

Gusto kong balikan ang dati naming tahanan noon ngunit hindi binibigay sa akin ni Tiya ang address dahil naibenta na daw nila ito nung mga panahong nasa ospital ako. Still, I wanted to go, baka sakaling matrigger nito ang mga alaala ko. I need to convince her more para ibigay niya sa akin ang address.

I saw two stars flickering brightly among the millions of stars that night. It's as if they're talking to me.

"Vert, do you know that they say stars are our guardian angels and talking to them will actually make them hear us?" I felt Vert's paw gently caressing my hair.

"Meow."

I smiled. "If it's true, then Mom, Dad, I love you."

NAGLALAKAD na ako ngayon papunta sa field. Palagay ko ay napaaga ata ako, maaga kasi akong ginising ni Tiya dahil pupunta daw siya ngayon sa isang business trip.

Pagdating doon ay wala pa nga sila Rom o ang mga teammates nito. The sun is about to rise kaya napagdesisyonan ko na rin na umupo sa benches upang pagmasdan ito.

Pagkaupo ko ay noon ko lamang napansin na may isa rin palang lalaki na nakaupo di kalayuan sa pwesto ko. Nakatukod ang mga kamay nito at nakatingala habang nakapikit ang mga mata. Mula sa pwesto ko ay kita ko ang matangos nitong ilong, ang mapupula nitong labi at ang mahaba nitong pilikmata.