"you remind me a bit of narcissus, but a version of him that hates himself."
"thanks."
IN WHICH Christopher Sutherland, star football player and best friend of Bradley Lewis, makes out with his drug dealer and has to face the consequences.
( stan...
( why would you ever kiss me? im not even half, as pretty. you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, but you like her better )
chapter three
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CHRISTOPHER SUTHERLAND, while not heterosexual, would never use the word gay to describe himself. He didn't like how it sounded coming off his tongue, being produced into the world and allowing people to perceive him as such. He didn't want them to look at him differently, and in this town they would definitely look at him differently.
Bradley Lewis, while a person Chris desperately wanted to be just as non-heterosexual as he was, was also simultaneously exactly what Chris was mostly worried about. Brad would sooner beat Chris's ass until he was halfway dead than accept that he wasn't just his straight best friend. Brad had his suspicions, which made Chris want to curl in on himself and explode into a million tiny pieces, but he didn't know for sure, and Chris hoped to fucking God it would stay that way.
Chris not only would be beaten until he was unrecognizable, but he'd also be kicked off the football team before he'd even think about the scholarship he was on the way to obtaining. Coach was a nice guy, but Chris doubted he loved keeping disgraced gay students on his team. Danny Kansey had been kicked off the team late last year after he said he'd totally have sex with Chris if given the chance, and Chris felt terribly guilty about the fact that he assisted in Danny's expulsion. The admission that Danny would do something like that with him made Chris feel fuzzy and gross all over, and at the time he'd almost thrown up from how pale and nervous he'd gotten, with everyone staring at him and Danny with disgust like it had actually happened.
It hadn't happened, and it would never happen, because the next day Chris shoved Danny against a locker while everyone watched and told him he wasn't gay. Brad had advised him to call Danny a faggot, but Chris didn't have it in him to ever do that to anyone. Chris still was quite horrible. Danny stayed at the school another week to be terrorized by the football students, and Chris wished he would have stood up for him even a little, but it made him feel sick to even think about. Danny had been expelled for fighting back a few days later, and Chris didn't have the chance to apologize and never saw Danny again.
Brad had given Chris a pat on the back for that, and Chris felt horrible about it for months. Would they do that same thing to Chris, the guy they called their best friend? Would they throw him off to the side and threaten him? Would they get him kicked out of not only the school, but the whole fucking state too?
They wouldn't, because Chris would never say anything like what Danny had said. Chris would stay with his girlfriend, continue to tell poor Delilah that he loved her until the day he was obliged to propose and they'd get married and have kids and Chris would be miserable, but what the hell could he do about it? This was the path Chris had always been destined to go down, and now he'd fucked it up, down and fucking sideways by making out with Stanley Barber in a goddamn alleyway.
