open when | malum

open when

hi!!

first of all, i wanted to thank everyone who's here, i hope you'll like the story! i'm not a native but hopefully there are no severe mistakes oops

i wrote it in a low point of my life so it might be triggering at times but not graphic, also i'll post a tw at the beginning of the chapter if anything occurs!

i plan on updating every two-three days, depending on how many exams i have at uni so stay tuned and enjoy the prologue xx

***

"how are you, ashy?"

"'m good."

because what can he say? that he's got probably several hours of life left? should he be happy about it?

silence.

something that's been there way too often. but he learned to enjoy it, quietly counting down the time. he wanted to cut it off already, because all the waiting was tiring for everyone - him, calum, their families, hospital workers. you could count his days on one hand, so why would he waste everyone's time? someone would make a use out of it, out of the bed he's occupying, air he's breathing.

"i don't want you to leave," calum was still a sobbing mess, holding onto ashton's hand as if to keep him alive.

"i don't want to leave either, sweetheart," a crack in ashton's voice was barely audible, but calum was used to his quietness. he learned to love every part that made his boyfriend, the love of his life. "i'll always be there, remember? just not physically."

"but i want to be able to hug you, cuddle with you when the storm's outside or just casually hold hands with you. i want to start a family with you, see you grow up and have you watch me do the same."

the room fell silent, only their sped up breaths and sniffling heard. ashton would always tell everyone he's ready to leave. he hadn't seen every thing he wanted in the world, he's barely seventeen and the whole life is ahead of him. but everything crashes within one day, when he's facing death. isn't it unfair? he's had so much to live for. he had so many plans. he had so much love to share.

"cally?" the black haired boy looked up, wiping his tear stained cheeks. "when we say goodbye and- and i'm gone, don't stop here. keep on living your life just as you would do with me, please. i don't want to see you cry from the clouds above.

"you'll be just fine, okay? you've still got so much ahead of you, i want you to full-fill your life for the both of us," ashton intertwined their fingers, pressing a kiss on top of calum's knuckles. "don't let yourself face it on your own, reach for help you need, i'm sure our parents and mikey will be there for you."

michael was dying to see ashton right now. well, maybe dying is not an appropriate way to describe his current feelings, but he couldn't forgive himself that when his best friend is almost gone, he's on the other side of the country. he wanted to be there for him, hold his other hand and tell him it's gonna be okay.

"i'll miss you."

"i'll miss you too, just- don't forget about me, yah? i don't ever wanna be forgotten."

calum placed a shaky kiss on ashton's forehead.

"i won't, i promise. the pictures will always remind me of you."

they shared a sad smile, enjoying their company. ashton's breathing was slowly fading, each intake of air causing more problems.

"i've got something for you though", he coughed, his heartbeat speeding up a little. "it's in the box under my bed back at home. i never got to give it to you, but i can't leave without you finding it. that's the last of me i have here."

his eyes closed for a moment, a shaky breath ended up as a coughing fit. is it it? the end? is that how you feel when your time's over? if yes, he doesn't like it. he doesn't like stinging in his chest, lungs tightening as he struggles for another breath. he just wants it to be over; he loves staying by calum's side, but the pain is being unbearable. and calum doesn't want him to be in pain, he wants it over too.

and that's it. exactly one hour, seventeen minutes and thirty eight seconds later, his heartbeat slowly fades away, breathing disappears and eyes close for the last time.

Ashton Fletcher Irwin
1995-2012
"I've only got forever and forever is fine."