Unchained #Wattys2020

6. My past

We get back in the house. I'm confused, I don't know why I did it. I've always been terrible with love. I have to admit that I've never cared a lot, since I've always put my career first. I've never felt the need to totally give myself to anybody, especially after seeing how toxic my friends' relationships were. Abused and depressed women, constantly jealous of their partner. Women who need a map, moment by moment, of every movement of their partner. Women whose reason to exist is given by a ring on their finger. Women whose first thoughts in the morning are always the same.
My first man was Christian, an ex college colleague known at my third year. Christian was a very charming boy and I quickly understood his interest in me. He was very kind and courted me for months so I decided to give him a chance. We went to a pub and started drinking a lot. It was a party night since we finally passed our Physiology exam. We went to a pub frequented by a lot of medical students and stayed with our colleagues. At 3 am, when everybody was gone, he asked me to go to his house. I was very drunk so I don't remember anything about what happened next. I woke up with a strong headache, naked, in his bed. He wasn't at home at he didn't wake me up. I took my things and came back home. During the next days, he started ignoring me and I couldn't understand why. A week after, he asked me to talk out of the college library.
He said: << Ginevra, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say. I was drunk and you were drunk too, I didn't think I...>>
I absolutely didn't know what he was talking about, I couldn't remember anything.
<< Christian, what are you saying? Why are you apologizing? What the hell happened?>>
<< I really don't know how to be forgiven...>>
<< Christian what's happening? Please, please, tell me..>>
<< Ginevra, listen, I can't keep this secret anymore. That night we were both drunk, we went to my house and started kissing. When I started to touch you, you told me that you didn't want to... But I didn't listen to your words and...>>
Well, I discovered that I lost my virginity that night, I couldn't remember anything about that and I didn't give my agreement. He did not hesitate to take away from me the last piece of purity I had. I wasn't able to say anything and I decided to don't say anything to anybody too. He had always been a good boy, everybody adored him. I also wouldn't had been able to face a situation like that. People thought that I was a strong girl because that's how I showed myself to be but inside I was just a girl who was still looking for Prince Charming.
It took months to heal from the strong depression I fell into. Then I found out that Christian moved to another city and, since then, I don't know where he is. I only know that, since that time, I've never been able anymore to be touched by any other man... until now. Also, I was the one who took the first step, with a psychiatric patient. Christian's and my friends' story taught me to stay away from men because they only take troubles.
During this stream of consciousness I realize that I'm still with Gabriel and he says: << Ginevra, so, what would you like to eat?>>
<< I'm not that hungry, maybe it's better if I come back home...>>
<< Ginevra, listen, I don't know what exactly happened in the garden but it's not my intention to make you feel uncomfortable. It's too soon, I understand, don't worry... but please, eat something>>
He makes some sandwiches and, giving the first bite, I start feeling a strong headache. After a few seconds, a strong heat starts to surround my body and I fall to the floor, unconscious.