Epic Quotes

Epic Quotes (Part 1)

That awkward moment when your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink

Friend: Hey are you free on Tuesday? I wanna see a movie or something Me: Damn right I'm free! This is America!

Im not shy, im just holding back my awesomeness so I don't immitate you

STRANGERS think I'm quiet MY FRIENDS think I'm outgoing MY BEST FRIENDS know that I'm completely insane!

Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed

"Stalking" is such a strong word, i prefer "Intense Research Of An Individual"

Music is my life, and lyrics are my story

I am a leader. Not a follower. Unless its a dark place, then fuck that shit your going first

Waiter: Would you like a table? Me: No not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please

I love it when someones laugh is funnier then the joke

Some days I'm all happy and outgoing and then other days I'm just like "Touch me and you die"

I wouldn't have to manage my anger, if people can learn how to manage there stupidity

Next time a stranger talks to me when im alone I will look at them shocked and just whisper quietly "You can see me?"

Dear automatic flushing toilets, I appreciate the enthusiasm... but i wasn't done yet.

Just remember if we get caught, your deaf and I don't speak English

Sometimes your knight in shinning armer is just a retard in tin foil

S.W.A.G Something We Americans Got or S.W.A.G She Wants A Gentleman

I wouldn't say your stupid. You are, but I wouldn't say it

When you eat food that's to hot and start breathing like a retarded dragon

Roses are red, violets are blue, your face belongs in a zoo, don't get mad i'll be there to, not in the cage, but laughing at you

I can insult my bestfriend but if you do, your going down

I'm gonna take a hot shower, its like a normal shower but with me in it

I'm the type of girl who will burst into laughter in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday

*texting*

Dad: Hey hunny, did you pick up the assholes yet? Me: Wrong person dad Dad: Sorry! That was meant for your mother Me: Wait what assholes? Do you mean me and my brother? Dad: Uhh noooooo...

That akward moment when your leaving the store without buying anything and all you can think is "Act natural, your innocent."

You never really know someone until you play uno with them and the mother fucker hits you with a draw four.

*Texting* Me: Hot guy on your right Friend: Saw him, faked sneeze so he'd say bless you to me, playa got moves like jaggar

Me: DAMN your good... I'm gonna go trip so he'll ask me if I'm OK and touches me Friend: You tripped amazingly!!! But omg he sees us texting each other... hes onto us! MISSION ABORT MISSON ABORT!

Everything becomes funnier when your not aloud to laugh

I wish music played during epic moments of my life, and not just in movies.

That awkward moment when you still don't understand someone even after they repeated themselves about four times.

Real friends don't get offended when you call them mean names. They just smile and call you something more offensive

Running like a ninja when your ipod displays 10% battery

That awkward moment when you realize that Phineas and Ferb never go to school but there still smarter then you

That akward moment when your talking but no ones paying attention to what your saying

Me: Mom, can you make me some food? Mom: Go make it yourself Me: Never mind, I'm not hungry

Lazy Person Fact #35463098210 ~You where to lazy to read that number

For me, i'll just read one or two more chapters always ends at four in the morning with a finished book

Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind

Blanket on - Hot Blanket off - Cold 1 leg out - Perfect! Until the demon from paranormal activity grabs it and drags you down the hall

Giving your best friend "The Look" when someone is being annoying as hell

I automatically start swinging my feet like a little kid when sitting in a chair that's to tall for me

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know im just that funny ;)

Listing to someone tell a story and thinking lies, lies, lies, lies

Mentally slapping people I do not like

When your in the shower and you here loud thumping noises so you think "There killing my family and I have to fight the attacker, naked!"

Doing something weird and thinking to yourself "This is why I don't have a boyfriend"

Emotionally: I'm done Mentally: I'm drained Spiritually: I'm dead Physically: I smile

I shall have 4 children: My first daughter shall be named Stacy. I'll be Stacy's mom. And I shall have it going on. My first son shall be named Luke. Then my husband can say "Luke, I am your father." My second daughter shall be named Narnia. Whenever I get something for her, I shall proclaim "For Narnia!" And my last son shall be named Sparta. Thus, whenever I introduce him, I shall announce. "This is Sparta."

When your on the phone and you start doing random thing