Torned Pages

Prologue

Title: Torned Pages

If our life is a book full of many wonderful pages with amazing stories or moments written to it, have you ever came to the point where you don't want to turn to another page?

I looked at the mirror and plastered a fake smile on my face while staring directly at my blue blank eyes.

Well for me, yes I've been there.

While glazing at my eyes my heart ached, so I held it tight. And as my breath fasten I closed my eyes, and tears fell.

I don't want another page full of mysteries nor another chapter contented with misery, for I want to be imprisoned in only one part of my book where my life wasn't miserable. A moment where my life is happy and I didn't have any problems and in a memory when he was still here beside me. A chapter where he still didn't left me.

My knees are trembling so I hold on the faucet so tight the veins in my hand showed and I feel like I'm about to fall but no one's gonna catch me.

But if life is a book his story ended and the last page of his book is me. The book of his life ended because me. It's all my fault. He died.

My tears are raging as I tried to keep myself standing up but they are becoming a strong thunder of sadness and guilt that weaken all of me.

Also if life is a book I want to put 'The End' in the last page of my own story because without him the book of my life is a lame story.

Suddenly, I fell. My bare skin touched the cold tiled floor, my head also bumped yet I managed to ignore the pain for I thought I became numb. So I started  looking at my white ceiling with the chandelier to match this glamorous bathroom that will be the place to end this wonderful story of mine.

But as I'm being mesmerized by the crystals of the chandelier there are so many what ifs running all over my head.

What if I realized I should flip into another page of my life and torn all the miserable pages of my past?

or

What if I will make up my mind to have a strong will on putting the end in my own book?

I smiled.

Will the new chapters of my life will make my book the best or the worst?

I smiled more while tears are falling down my cheeks.

I dont know.

Will putting the end on its last page makes it a better story?

I wiped my tears with my  shivering hands and hugged myself tightly and pinched my skin.

I dont know either.

My mind is racing with too many unanswered questions, thoughts and emotions. My heart is beating so fast it might explode. My lungs are giving out all the air I have left in my body. My whole body is shivering in the cold wind circling in the four corners of my bathroom and its freezing tiled floor.

And in only one tik of a clock, it all stopped.

The racing thoughts , the fast heart beats and my gasping for breath and the shivering of my body. It all stopped when one question entered my mind.

What will I do?