Torned Pages

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1: LAST PAGE

HANNAH

I felt the blinding sunlight reached the top of my eyelid so I squinch my eyes to sleep more but can't which caused me to wake up, yet I cannot manage to open my eyes. For somehow, I feel like I cannot open it anymore because of dried tears from crying  every night starting from the day that he was gone. I always cried myself to sleep. And every morning my eyelid feels like it was glued by my dried tears that's why I can't open it easily.

Also every morning I have thoughts like what if I should not wake up, what if I'd close my eyes forever? It would be the end of my life right? Probably.

Yeah I'm awake but even if I can open my eyes easily I would still choose not to open it for I know that once my eyes are open, another set of tears will fall down to my cheeks the moment the light reached my eyes. Maybe I cannot control my tears anymore. It felt like everytime I will open my eyes tears will automatically fall. And I always thought about what if all the fluid in my body was released by my tears, Its the end of me right? Probably.

Just thinking about coffins, funerals, suicide and dying makes me happy. Even though I don't even know what happiness feels like right now. Thinking about those things makes me calm and it gives me relief. I don't know why? But I'm always asking myself what if I'll put the end on this book of my life. Still, I'm the author of this book. I'm the author of my life, I will be the one to decide if I'll continue or end it.

Finally I decided to somehow continue my life by slowly opening my eyes so that it can adjust to the sunlight pierced right through my window. And I'm not surprised, another set of tears fell down again. Crying became my everyday morning routine since the day... I shook my head. I don't want to think about it anymore. This is shit.

My eyes was nailed into the white ceiling imagining the skies and how heaven looks like? And asking myself will I go there even if I'll kill myself ? I smiled because of how foolish I am to think what will happen after death and suddenly I heard footsteps gradually becoming louder then it stopped yet it is followed by the sound of a knock in my door. Then I heard an annoying voice.

" Hannah please come out of your room now. Its been two months since you imprisoned yourself there. You know that we can't bring him back." I listened sincerely and after the voice was gone I rolled my eyes and she continued speaking. " Please sweetie life will go on. So follow it and go with its flow. I miss you Ash. Your dad is here with me he misses you too. Here is your food I cooked it specially for you. I'll leave it here. Hope you'll open the door and get it. And please don't take your health for granted. Take care of it as much as we have care for you." All I can say is Plastic. This words came from the mouth of my Step Mother Anna Delaville or Anna Willows since she became the wife of my dad after two years of seducing him even if my Mom and Dad still had their Marriage Certificate. But nothing and no one can stop an itching skin of a slut and whore woman. As if she really cares. For I know she was just being kind to me because my dad is watching her actions towards me. I laughed sarcastically yet I'm still crying. I wiped my tears away and picked up my dad's picture on my bedside table.

I looked at it lovingly but the thing that disappointed me the most is that my dad wasn't able to stop the urge of his feelings being seduced by Anna. Just having the thought about my dad betraying my mom by allowing another woman to seduce him makes my whole body tremble in wrath. I just want vengeance. I want to seek revenge for my mom. But how can I do my revenge if my dad was the one who I'm gonna do it to? 

I just can't take how my dad didn't use his brain to think of how my mom would feel if she would know that my dad had a mistress. He didn't become the man my mother deserves he just showed that men are just bunch of trash. But everything changed. My opinion about guys changed when my man came. But now he was gone.

Yet I can't get my mommy off my mind now that I'm holding a picture of Dad. I remembered all of the hardships she had. I remembered the day she decided to end it all. The day she hanged herself because of the depression dad caused her. I'm thinking about following her footsteps. With a smile on my face I whispered to myself, "Will I hang myself too?" There are so many choices of committing suicide. But my mother chose to hang herself.

With a deep breath I stood up and went to the drawer. My hands are shivering and my heart is beating so fast due to the tension I'm feeling right now. But I tried all my best just to make my hands steady and putting all my effort, I opened the drawer. The moment the drawer was open my eyes was nailed into the rope my mom used when she hanged herself as a form of suicide. When the Police Officers are getting my mom's cold body out of the room where she hanged herself, I forced the police to give me the rope my mom used and without a word they gave it to me gently. I was just a child back then, I hugged the rope before, but now I think the rope will be the one to hug my neck so tight.

A smile plastered on my face yet tears are coming out of my eyes.

And so many questions are running all over my head again.

Will I do what she did? Will I be the one that will put end to the pages in my own book? Will I end my life by committing suicide too?

With my shivering hands,I picked up the rope. And gathered all the courage I had left in my body and finally asked myself ...

Will this be my last torned page ?