dear december

12.4.14

Dear December,
 
Today was actually pretty good. I'm just so tired all the time, something I wish I could figure out.
 
Lately in my history class, we've been discussing Ferguson. One of the reasons I love her, my history teacher, is that she'll show us stuff like that. That's in the news, that's controversial as hell, and she'll show us both sides. God, if I had a biased history teacher I'd lose it.
 
December, there's this guy that I like and I wished that I didn't. It's a wreck. I've been on and off about him for too long, and I can never tell what's flirting and what's friendship with him. I'm in love with him or something, and I'm thinking it has to be 'or something'. 'Love' feels like a YA novel.
 
I ended up getting second chair for the honor band I was fretting about. The ironic thing is I was first chair last year, an entire year of practicing and experience ago. When I asked who got first chair, Ms. S. replied, "Some girl who gets a bunch of private lessons." And that's when I realized, I was that girl last year. At this point, I'm living off of concerts and music highs and I haven't met with my private teacher since March. Sometimes it's like that, and I feel like that's something I have to get over. Would I have worn myself out recording a new solo? I wanted to, and it wouldn't be the first time I hurt myself trying to be perfect.
 
I said today was actually pretty good, and don't get me wrong, it was. I met with the band at my brother's school to practice for the concert. Like usual, the trumpets sounded kind of bad and the trombones screwed around. I think we got something done. Anyway, I need to go now. I've got sleep to catch and an episode of OitNB to finish, and I'm going to be fraying at the edges before I fall asleep. It always ends up like that.
 
Esther