Dear someone,
My nightmare became reality.
People say dreams are the visualization of your inner feelings and needs. The very things so deep inside of you that sometimes you don't even acknowledge them until you see them in your dreams and maybe you are lucky to remember them afterwards.
Do you feel left alone? Neglected? Guilty?
We all have an answer to this and mine is yes. I felt terrible after I've started being haunted by dreams. The reality is that my mind always seems to be tormented by neverending weird dreams taking form of a wish come true but end up spiraling into the very embodiment of my fears.
My worst nightmare was about a person I seemed to know and how I lost them. I don't remember much but one thing that stays so clearly in my mind haunts me every day. I was on the go, having another busy day like the everyday, when I saw a message pop up on my phone display. I hadn't had my internet on for a couple of hours as I was busy.
The message was from someone beloved and special to me. I don't exactly remember who, but I remember I love them with all my heart. Not exactly in a romantic way but in a way where you know that you, by no means, ever want to lose that one person.
"I'm sorry, I don't think we'll meet tomorrow. I love you. Goodnight."
As soon as these words came to light, I started to break. Like a porcelain cup hitting the floor, my heart was ripped into pieces I could never repair again. I started hyperventilating. Every ounce of oxygen escaped the surface, I was suffocating. I hit the keyboard frantically, my sight getting more blurred by every key I was hitting. The same words were played in my head like a broken record.
"I love you, I don't want to lose you. Don't be sorry, please I'm so sorry. I want to save you. Please god, if you exist, let them live. Take me, I can't live without them. I love them. I wish I could've saved you."
I woke up and caught breath immediately. I jerked up from the pile of sweat and found myself in a total state of panic. I've lost every control of my body as I was shaking terribly. I checked my phone, no messages. Never in my life have I felt this relieved and blessed. That day, that night, that dream, it let me know to be more cautious. Ever since I've been more keen on protecting the people I love more than ever. Some of them are going through hard times and I need to support them. I can't save them, but I can be the trigger to make them save themselves. I'm not doing this for myself. No, I do this because I truly care about them. I want them to be happy.
Now I'm writing this directly to you, the reader.
If you feel left alone, neglected, guilty:
Trust me when I say that you're not. There is someone who is broken if you leave a horrible way. No one and nothing in this whole wide universe is like you. They may have the looks, interests, but not the "you". No one has the same expression like you when you are happy over little things that surprise you. No one dances like you when you hear your favorite song. No one hugs like you. No one gives the same warming feeling in my chest like you.
So please, reader, know you have a special place in someone's heart. You aren't just a side character or a chapter in someone's life. You aren't just a memory. You are valuable in such a way no one could ever immitate. You may be the very reason someone never lost their smile. Someone out there is willing to say these following words to you,
"I know times are rough sometimes but please know that there is a future. Please know you have the power to get happy, to get through. No matter what happens, I'm here for you. You mean so much to me that I can't even put it into words. I know this is cheesy but oh god I love you. You have light, you have dreams, you have feelings and you have perspective. I'll be with you if you need me. I care, I do."
