the talk - 2gether

1

"Tine, what's wrong?"

"Sorry. It's nothing."

"Obviously it's not nothing, you're upset about it."

"It's just, um..." Tine shows Sarawat his phone with the Instagram post with comments of Team Sarawat Wives saying that Tine doesn't deserve Sarawat.

"Tine..."

"It's not... it's not that I don't trust you, or that I doubt us because I know it hurts you a lot when I misunderstand your feelings but... then why do they keep saying these things? Maybe there is something about me..."

"Tine," Sarawat holds Tine's face in his hands, "There's no part of you that I don't love..."

"But I..." Tine tears up "I hurt you so bad, Wat. I'm a really bad boyfriend to you, I didn't trust you when you needed me, I left you, I wouldn't listen to you and... I just don't understand why you would still want to be with me when I..." Tine is full on crying at this point.

"Tine, baby, please don't cry," Sarawat hugs him and Tine tries to stop crying, but it's forceful. Tine's trying to make Sarawat happy. He's being a nuisance again.

"I'm sorry. I'm making problems again," Tine wipes his tears.

"Okay, Tine. I need you to listen to me, and really listen okay because your brain's really good at making stuff up and jumping to conclusions but not so great at listening," Tine frowns, "...and I love you so much that I need you to understand this, okay?" Tine smiles, and nods.

"Tine, when are you going to realise that I'm not with you by accident?" Tine is confused, "I looked for you for so long, then I found you. I pined after you for so long. I accepted the scraps of the fake relationship you gave me. I fought hard to keep you. Why do you always think that I'm gonna give up on you so quickly? Do you... do you not trust me?"

"I'm sorry, Wat. It's not... it's not you, Wat. It's really not. It's me. I'm not..." Tine takes a breath, "I dated a lot of people before you, like a lot of people, and I never felt the same way about them like I feel about you... but they all still left me eventually, for all kinds of reasons... and y'know after a while I just thought that maybe there would always be something about me, some way that I was lacking... and eventually they would find it... and then I wouldn't be enough for them and I'm so... you're not like the rest of them, Wat. You're too important and I'm just... so scared that one day you'll find a reason to leave me," Tine has tears back in his eyes.

"So you thought you would leave me first, huh?" Sarawat says it a bit too bitterly. He doesn't look at Tine.

Tine blanks, "Wat... I'm sorry." His voice shakes.

Sarawat tenses, "No. I'm sorry, Tine. I shouldn't have said that. It was unfair. I understand why you left," Sarawat wipes the tears from Tine's eyes.

"Do you?"

"...Not really," Sarawat is avoiding Tine's eyes again.

"I don't know what happened. Honestly, I was just... so convinced that you were going to leave me for her. It just made sense to me that I should leave. I ... I didn't mean to hurt you, Wat. I thought it's what you wanted, but it wasn't. I realise that I hurt you and I'm sorry. I should have talked to you first before giving up," Tine's crying again.

Sarawat kisses Tine's forehead, "It's okay, baby. And yes, you should have talked to me about it. I know you were scared, but next time, even for the smallest problem, please talk to me. Yell at me, swear at me or whatever just don't shut me out again, okay?" Sarawat's tearing up now.

Tine see's this and is on the verge of a full breakdown, "Wat..." Tine just sobs for a while, not able to control it, "I don't know how to make it better. I've been so terrible to you but... you won't break up with me even though you should. So I just feel like we're uneven and I don't know how to fix this? What do you want from me? I'll do anything. I just... I don't want to feel like a horrible person anymore?"