Shadows of the Past

Chapter 6

"Puddin'?" asked Harley later, knocking on the door to the bedroom. She opened the door to see him curled up on the bed, staring at the photograph of his wife.

"She loved flowers and animals," he whispered. "She loved all living things. She loved taking care of people...and I killed her. I...killed..."

He choked on a sob, and Harley hurried over to him, holding him soothingly. "Puddin', you didn't know," she whispered. "It's not your fault..."

"It's completely my fault!" he snapped. "She'd still be alive if not for me! I...murdered the only woman I ever loved!"

He sobbed, and Harley said nothing. "You think...she's the only woman you ever could love?" she asked at last.

He looked up at her. "I mean...it's awful, Mr. J, but she's dead...and she's been dead for some time...so maybe you can try to move on eventually. And...I mean...I ain't so bad, am I?"

"It's not a long time ago to me," he whispered. "The wound of her death is new, and raw. I can't just move on like that. I've already insulted her memory enough by being with you."

"Oh. Didn't know I was insulting anyone's memory by loving you," whispered Harley. "Silly me."

She stood up to leave, but he caught her hand. "Look, you're...a very attractive young woman," he murmured. "But...I don't love you. Not like I loved Jeannie..."

"But she's dead, puddin'," said Harley. "She's dead. And...you could try to love me like that, couldn't you? We could try...loving each other as we are. I mean, it wouldn't be perfect, but our relationship was never perfect, at least, not in the eyes of the world. But...you're all that I have. I can't lose you. I just can't."

"I lost the love of my life," he whispered. "I killed her, in a fit of insanity. I will never forgive myself for that, and I will never recover from that."

"You...don't have to recover," stammered Harley. "But you could try...going crazy again. That would make all the pain and memories disappear, just like it did the first time you became the Joker. I can show you, help you, drive you mad the way you drove me mad. And maybe I can have my Joker back, and all the bad memories and feelings will go away. Things will be back to normal. Well, maybe not normal, but...the way they used to be."

"I can't, Harley," he whispered. "I can't. Just leave me alone to deal with this pain. I can't run away from what I did, and I deserve to suffer for it."

Harley nodded, and left him, returning to the living room. She didn't know how long she sat alone there, but the daylight faded and turned to night, and he didn't emerge from his room.

She opened the door again at last to see him curled up on the bed, sniffling. Seeing him in tears broke her heart, and she hurried over to him, holding him tightly and comforting him.

"It's ok, puddin'," she whispered. "It's ok..."

And then he was kissing her, planting desperate, needy kisses all over her face and throat and onto her mouth. Harley shut her eyes in pleasure, but opened them again as he whispered, "Jeannie."

"I...I ain't Jeannie, puddin'," she gasped, drawing away.

He stared at her. "I know," he whispered. "But I need you to be tonight. Will you do that for me, Harley? Will you let me be with my wife one last time?"

Harley drew a deep breath. This went against every fiber of her being and every atom of self-respect, but so did having sex with another man but the Joker, she reminded herself. Although this man was still technically the Joker, however much he didn't act like him. It wasn't strictly cheating, but...for tonight, they would both be different people. And they would worry about tomorrow when it came.