Why Me Blad?!

Chapter 3 - The Hulk

 CHAPTER 3:

“Why the fudge did your psychotic brother have your gun in the first place?” Drake asked.

“I think that retard stole it” I replied.

“That’s not very responsible now is it Snaps?” Buzzer teased. Drake continued with his hysterical laughing, was he high on popcorn or something? The dude needed to calm down.

“How was I supposed to know that the little brat was gonna steal it?!” Drake was giggling like a little girl. 

Hunter smacked Drake across the head using his bag of sweets that naturally appeared out of no where. “Seriously dude what is it with you and laughing today?! This is a serious issue. No kid like Bladrin should be in a 200 metre radius of a gun”. 

Hunter is the sensible and clever type of guy. He’s always the one getting us out of stupid situations. He is also the oldest out of my gang, but only by a couple of months. He’s best friends with Rammer, which is no coincidence as Rammer is calm and, creepily, too nice. Then there’s Drake and Buzzer. Drake is so dumb it’s amazing he’s not a blonde man. While Buzzer, oh he’s the real man here, he’s THE player of the gang, he has just amazing womanizing skills, it even hurts me to say it.

I have to admit we are the best of friends, we do everything together. We even have Christmas together because we can’t stand our families. Okay, that was a lie. My ma would kill me if I wasn’t at home for Christmas. She would probably poison my food and watch me die a painful slow death while she is slowly tapping the tips of her fingers together and smiling evilly at me.

“Wooohoooo, Snapper where are you?” Rammer was slowly waving his hands across my face, while the rest of the group snickered. 

“Huh?” 

“Welcome back to earth Snaps,” Drake was doing some weird hand sign.

“What the-”

“Its called the Vulcan Salute. The Star Trek people do it to show greetings to someone…”

Everyone was dead silent. 

“You, my friend, are a weird human,” Hunter barked out. Everyone was still looking at Drake. Even customers coming out of the corner shop was looking at him like he had grown another head. 

“What the hell people? Calm the fuck down!” Drake exclaimed.

Rammer quickly stood up and started towards Drake to try and calm him down.

“NO, NO, NO DON‘T TOUCH ME YOU PEADO!” 

“Drake, why are you so upset?!”

“FUCKING CALM DOWN, I WAS ONLY GREETING SNAPPER!”

“Woah bro, you‘re the one that needs to calm it” Buzzer huffed.

“EVERYONE NEEDS TO CALM DOWN NOW OR I WILL SWEAR IN STAR TREK LANGUAGE!” 

“Drake, everyone IS calm” I tried to reassure him slowly.

Seriously the dude was just going overboard here. 

“BASTICH, ARSEGIKE, BIT BRAIN,-”

“Hunter try to calm him! The police are staring at us!” I cried.

Hunter was trying out shoulder massages on Drake, which calmed him down. And na, we ain’t gay. Well I’m not, I’m not sure about the others though…Everyone huffed out a sigh of relief when the police decided to not come over, even though they were eyeing us suspiciously. They were both well-built male cops in their usual police uniform, that could easily fight us all. They were both leaning on the police car having a bit of a smoke. The customers of the corner shop were slightly panicked and tried to move away from the scene as soon as possible.

“EVERYONE IS AN ARSEGIKE. ESPECIALLY YOU!” he targeted a poor lady with 3 shopping bags in hand, who looked terrified. Drake started to get up, like he was preparing to attack her. Rammer, Hunter, Buzzer and I attacked him as soon as we saw him pushing over the middle aged lady. Her shopping bags exploded everywhere and suddenly, I felt a huge muscular body on top of me, I then realised that it must be the police as I was on top of my other homies. 

“HOLY BROCOLLI, GET OFF OF ME!” I screamed. My homies were struggling and groaning beneath me like they were having a hard time moving. 

The larger male cop got out some handcuffs and put them on me. Then on Buzzer, Hunter, Rammer and finally on Drake too. Drake was lashing out on everyone. He has never been this bad! He usually lashes out but only for a couple of seconds. We call it his ‘hulk phase’, but he gets back to normal as soon as he is calm. This has all got way out of hand this time. And it all started on his freaky Star Trek greeting. 

I was like so cold it was like stupid. I’m not kidding, it feels as though my balls are about to drop any moment from the cold temperature in this cell. I am currently huddled up in a ball, trying to keep as much warmth in my body as possible. I really didn’t know it was so cold out today. The winter has hit us with a bang!

My ma is gonna kill me, no doubt about it. I have never been in prison before and to my surprise, it is exactly how I had imagined it to be like. It is so dull and cold. I only had a skimpy blanket, thin mattress underneath me and a rock hard pillow by my side. I have definitely lost track of time and there is no windows to indicate whether it is day or night. It feels as though I’ve been here for hours. The police had taken all my belongings off of me and put it into a plastic bag when we got to the police station. They also made us give them contact details of our parents as we are all still under 18, but unsurprisingly my parents haven’t come to see me. My ma would probably just leave me, my pa wouldn’t though. But why have they not come?

I haven’t been able to sleep a wink even though I am tiered beyond belief, it’s just too cold in here. My bro’s are probably being questioned about the assault of the middle aged lady,  as I couldn’t see them in their cells any longer. Or maybe the lack of sleep is making me see nothing. Drake is seriously a dead man walking. I am going to kill him for putting me in prison for trying to stop him. He’s such a dumb shit. I am so angry that this dick wasn’t able to control his ‘hulk’. 

Suddenly I saw a prison cop, probably in his forties, slowly walking across my cell, probably on just keeping an eye on the place. How boring. I knew I had to say something, otherwise I’d die of hypothermia fo sho. 

“YO!” I managed to squeak out. But the cop definitely ignored me and carried on walking. 

“Hey cop! Don‘t ignore the G!”

The cop’s shoulders were moving, was he cold too? But then I realised he was laughing silently.

“The G? Really? Ha, the kids of this generation! Makes me laugh”. The police officer was speaking to himself.

“Yo dude, I is speakin‘ to you!”

“And not to mention, bad grammar”. He carried on.

I was not happy that this son of a fool was ignoring me. So I had to get his attention some how. 

I farted…very loudly.

“Woah boy, do you need a trip to the toilet?”

“No man, I need your attention.”

“Shoot.”

“Shoot what?” I asked confusedly. 

He huffed a out a sigh “I mean, say what you want to say…”

“Oh…umm…well…why isn‘t there any heating or something? I am really cold.”

“What a shame,” He started walking off.

“Wait! When do I get to go home?” 

“As soon as you have been questioned.”

“When will that be?” I asked trying to drag the conversation on a bit longer. I had been very lonely in this cell.

As soon as I asked the question, a hot police officer walked in to the cells. 

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