High Tides

Welcome

Its kind of humiliating, the things that used to hurt you, The things that you spent your days obsessing over, the things you spent crying over, the things that occupied your thoughts as if they were all that mattered. And when those things are gone, for whatever reason that maybe, that empty feeling that swallows you into a void is what is the most humiliating of all.

These feelings we absorb ourselves into, are what distracts us the most. The heart is always romanticized, but what does it actually do? It provides oxygen, nutrients, pumps blood all over your body. That is its job. That is its purpose. The purpose of feelings, is to distract you from reality. To tell yourself that its okay because somebody cares about you, or there is something that is connecting you to a certain object or person. But is that really the case?

I wouldn't know.

I stopped feeling things long long ago.

I opened my eyes, and looked out the window. A large spread of white clouds were under the wing of the plane. To my left were two strangers, one watching a romantic comedy on her screen, and one listening to music on his iPod. I checked the time, and found that the flight would be landing in 10 minutes at the JFK Airport in New York. I wasn't quite sure what I was doing here in the big city of so called dreams, all I remember is my mother putting the ticket in one hand and a suitcase in the other, telling me it would be a great experience and pushed me out the door.

Okay, I know what I'm doing in New York. I'm staying with my Aunt Charlotte in Manahattan for the summer. I dont really know Aunt Charlotte, except that she's around 35 and still single. She is a lawyer in one of the most successful lawfirms in New York though, so she was very well respected.

After the flight, I passed through the airport and waited for my aunt to pick me up. I sat on a bench and observed the people saying goodbye to each other or saying hello to each other. The goodbyes were definetly longer, than the hellos. But both the people saying goodbye and hello had tears or were emotional, which didn't make sense to me. Crying was something I had avoided and never appreciated in my life. I felt like it was this sign that you were weak. I didn't have the time to be weak or to cry. Or to feel any emotions at all.

After a few texts to my mother, and an intense level of Candy Crush, Aunt Charlottes taxi had appeared. The door opened to an average height lady with short straight dark hair, who didn't look a day over 27. She definetely didn't look like the single middle aged woman type. She wore dark red lipstickc and had one of those black overcoats that seemed to be a staple in New York.

When her eyes glanced over to me, she smiled and ran over my way. I stood up, and she hugged me. "Beth! I haven't seen you since you were a little child! You look great!"

I forced a smile, and went into the cab. I looked out the window staring at the buildings and people, as Aunt Charlotte had an endless supply of questions especially about my mother. The city of lights had now welcomed me, one of the first welcomes I had recieved in years.