Pain and Loss [Levi x Reader]

Chapter 1 - Introduction

Pain and loss define us.

Right?

That’s what everybody says around here, but what was the point? You were alone. They were gone. You were only trainees, you hadn’t even graduated yet. It wasn’t supposed to end like this. The 100th trainee squad – 50% of its members had already fallen at the hands of the titans. Another 15% decided to go work in the fields after the ordeal. Why hadn’t you joined them? The mere thought of the titans sent shivers up your spine. Remembering how the titans picked up each of your friends before swallowing them whole… the look on their faces…  you felt a cold sweat fell down the side of your face.

“You are all survivors of the fall of Wall Maria. You know better than anyone else what the power of the titans is.”

You looked up; there was Erwin Smith, commander of the Survey Corps. You couldn’t deny that he had a strong aura around him, as he proudly stood there defending the Wings of Freedom. Soon, you found yourself staring into his blue eyes, spiralling into your own thoughts. But you snapped back into reality, noticing that the Commander was staring at you. This took you by surprise as you quickly turned your head to a side to break the stare. How long was this talk going to take? You had already made your mind up – you were going to join the Military Police. The last thing on your list was to come face to face with the titans again; you had no intention of walking into death’s hands so soon.

“Your friends and comrades have fallen at the hand of the titans. It is up to you to stand up and take your revenge.”

Revenge. The word echoed in your mind. Revenge.

Suddenly, you remembered the true terror of that day the wall fell. 

It wasn’t the titans.

The faces of those being eaten alive, families being ripped apart, and children left alone to fend for themselves… 

The weakness and incompetence of the humans against the titans…

that was the true horror. 

The ground trembled as the people around you started to turn and run. No one wanted to join the Survey Corps. No one was mad enough.

But yet, you didn’t move. You closed your eyes, clenching your fists.

You wanted revenge.

Eventually, things quieted down and, slowly, you opened your eyes. You held your breath as you looked up to see who was left. 

Not many, not many at all; and, they all shared the same face of terror and determination. Did you have that expression too?

Everyone turned to look up at Commander Smith, as suddenly, almost out of the blue, he gave you all a heartfelt salute. 

“Please take this salute,” he said, “You all have my upmost respect. You are true soldiers!”

That’s when it hit you.

Oh god. What have I done?