Pain and Loss [Levi x Reader]

Chapter 6

“In a world like this, love only gets in the way,”

You tapped the open diary with your pencil, staring blankly at the quote. It had stuck with you, though you weren’t sure why. Sighing, you closed the diary, setting it aside. The day was still young; the sun had barely risen over the horizon. Charlotte lay asleep on the bed across from you. You were in no rush, so you had decided to wait for her to wake up. Gazing out of the window, you let your mind drift off…

“What do you mean?” You asked, walking up to stand next to Levi. He didn’t look at you however, his gaze focused on the pair in the field bellow.

“We are all doomed to die. There’s no point in growing attached to someone if, in a week, they might just die in your arms,” he said, turning to look at you, Gazing into those stormy eyes of his, it seemed that he spoke from experience. What had happened to make him feel that way?

“We’re all doomed to die one day,” you said, gazing straight into his grey orbs, “So why not spend the time you have in happiness?”

“To spare yourself the pain.”

“But what’s the point in life if you don’t love someone? Of course we all feel pain; of course one day we are all going to die… but one can’t know true happiness if they don’t know true pain. Even if that special someone dies before you, the memories remain there,” you paused, “That’s what we are in the end, isn’t it? Memories.”

You sighed, letting yourself drop on the pillow. Why did it bother you so much? It shouldn’t have come as a surprise that such a cold and emotionless man would frown down at love or any meaningful relationship. You closed your eyes, but all that came to your mind were his eyes: those grey, stormy eyes, that at a first glance seemed so hollow… but at that moment were plagued with grief and agony. What had happened to the short man?

Levi kept quiet, his gaze fixed on yours. His skin seemed to glow in the moonlight, each strand of his raven black hair highlighted by that same white light. His face… it was so gorgeous, young, yet worn not so much by time but by the hardships and sufferings of life. “What happened?” you suddenly asked your thought aloud.

He blinked, but his face did not show surprise or confusion, nor did it give a reply admittedly. Realising that you had just asked a sensible question to secretive man, you felt the sudden need to explain yourself. “I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s just… you… you seem to be hiding something. Something that eating you from the inside.”

He looked away, still not saying anything. You gulped. The silence was killing you.

“What makes you so certain?”

Groaning, you hid your face under the pillow. Why. Why did you not shut up? Why did you keep on talking? 

You were quiet for a second; his question had come unexpectedly to you. “You… I recognise that look on your face,” you started saying, “I lost my friends, I saw how their eyes glazed over, I held them in my arms as they bled out, unable to do anything.”

Levi glanced over at you once more, “They died during the fall of Wall Maria?”

You nodded, looking at the ground. 

“What were their names?”

“Jay and Lucy.”

“Jay and Lucy…” he echoed, “Don’t let their death be in vain.”

That was the last thing he said to you before walking off for good.

“Good morning…” said a drowsy voice, yawning. 

You sat up, “Morning,” you said with a smile.

Charlotte stood up, walking over to her wardrobe and grabbing some clean clothes and her uniform.

“How was practice last night?” you asked, crossing your legs, “You didn’t come back till quite late at night…”

Charlotte’s face flushed red. “It went well,” she said, smiling softly, “I need to pass by his office this morning. Apparently the reason I was struggling was because my hands are too small and I can’t grab on to the handles of the swords properly.”

You let out a gentle laugh, “That was all that you were doing wrong?”

She laughed herself, scratching the back of her head, “Y-yeah… That was it really.”

You smiled, standing up and getting dressed.

“I saw you talking with Captain Levi last night.”

You stood still.

“What were you talking about?” 

You shrugged, “Nothing much really, mainly about you and Captain Michael.”

“W-what?” Charlotte’s cheek went pink. You laughed, playfully sticking your tongue out at her.

“So, whatd’ya think about Captain Levi?” Charlotte asked after a few seconds of silence.

“Levi?”

“Yeah, the short guy. He always seemed pissed off at someone if you ask me. Kinda hot, though he’s too short for my liking. He’s about your height though!”

“Oh shush.”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Well what do you think of Captain Levi?”

“I’m not going to be able to avoid the question, am I?”

“No. But good try. Now answer it.”

“He’s good looking,” you shrugged, “But I doubt he’s human.”

“You doubt he’s human.”

“Yes. He is most probably not human.”