The Pizza Boy- Larry Au

Drunk and Alone

Louis' heavy eyes and pounding head led him straight to the bar. The variety of alcoholic beverages called his name like a predator misleading its prey. The strobe lights hurt his eyes and all of the built up anger inside of him made him want to strike a fight with everyone he lay eyes on but he was just too empty. He was lacking in energy and he tried to put a smile on his face like he always did but he was unsuccessful. His face was stuck in a consistent frown and his eyes weren't bright like they always were.

Louis groggily sat down on a cushy bar stool and placed his head in his hands sheepishly. He needed to escape. All his thoughts and emotions were so out of wack. He didn't know what was happening to him. Every time Louis closed his eyes, images of his mom, his family, Harry, and suicide filled his mind. He was generally a happy man and always just bottled up whatever negative emotion he was feeling but something about Harry's angry eyes brought out every buried emotion, memory or scar Louis had ever had. He was drowning in an ocean of his own thoughts and was rescued by the bartender asking what he could get him.

"Vodka, straight" Louis mumbled, running his fingers through his greasy brown hair. It was only a few days ago, that Louis was partying with Zayn happily. He wasn't worrying, he wasn't sad and he had a will to live. It wasn't until Harry that Louis began to feel like shit. As he thought about all the unwanted feelings Harry had made him feel, his face began to turn red and his fists clenched with anger. He began to despise Harry. It was Harry's fault. Harry's.

The bartender came back with Louis' shot and Louis downed it in half a second. The bitter and heavy taste burned in his chest as if it were poison trying to exterminate every painful memory inside him.

"Another please" He said without a pause. He needed to forget everything. He needed the vodka to demolish the colossal amount of guilt he had built up inside of him like it were a bulldozer.

"Another please" "Another please" "Another please"

The night was now blurry and Louis began to feel like he himself was just an illusion, like he didn't exist. He was no longer angry or depressed he was just numb. Numb to the harsh taste of the vodka, numb to thoughts and feelings that were battling him inside. Numb to everything.

He stood up and stumbled to the bathroom, unaware of everything going on around him. The next thing he knew he was falling to the ground and his head was ringing.

"Watch where you're going, fucktard" a tall blonde guy huffed, standing over Louis' fallen body.

Louis felt his drunken self shake with anger. He stood up and got close to the man's face and breathed heavily so that the man could practically taste the alcohol from Louis' breath.

"THE FUCK YOU SAY TO ME YOU BLOODY CUNT?" Louis hissed in his face, a vein angrily popping out of his forehead, a layer of sweat pouring off of it.

"FUCK YOU" Louis yelled, slurring his words. The man immediately punched Louis in the face, leaving a small bruise. Louis was numb to the pain and the only thing on his mind was beating that guy's ass. He didn't care anymore he just wanted to cause that stranger the amount of pain that he was feeling.

He swung his fists over and over and over. With each hit, more built up anger being released from his body. His head spun and he couldn't see straight but he couldn't stop. He was just punching and kicking and having a complete freak out.

The next thing Louis was aware of, a security guard was escorting him out. He was a large guy covered in tatoos and he intimidated Louis.

"Go home mate, you're a mess" the guard said giving a half sympathetic glance to the boy.

Louis' head was throbbing and his world was spinning. He felt so much yet so little at the same time. There was a Mcdonalds right next door to the bar so Louis walked inside because he didn't know what else to do.

Louis stumbled straight to the bathroom and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Who had he let himself become? Anger arose inside of him as he stared at his reflection. It was rare that Louis thought about his mother but for some reason tonight as he stared into his own sad eyes all he could think of was her. She was probably dead and because he was such a selfish pussy, he never said goodbye and she had to die thinking her son wanted nothing to do with her.

Warm tears prickled up in Louis' eyes and he couldn't stop them from streaming down his face. He collapsed to the floor in a full on sob. He gasped for air and tugged on his hair in frustration.

"IM SO SORRY MOMMA IM SO SORRY" He screamed hysterically looking up at the rusted ceiling. It was now 1:00 am and Louis was drunker than he had ever been. He pulled out his phone and began to dial his mothers number but stopped himself and closed his eyes. He knew she wouldn't answer and he knew it would break his heart so he decided to keep on pretending like she never existed, like his childhood was nonexistent.

Louis dialed Zayn's number instead and waited as it rang. It went straight to voicemail and Louis sighed, slamming his head in his arms in defeat. He had nobody else and it was all his fault. He ran from everybody or drove them away and now he was drunk and alone in a Mcdonalds bathroom.

Louis splashed cold water across his face and breathed in deeply. He knew it was stupid to drink and drive but he had no choice. He had nobody to call and he didn't even care at this point. He deserved to die anyway.

Louis stumbled outside and the harsh breeze slapped against his skin as if it were angry with him too. Louis opened his car door and climbed inside. His vision was blurry and he was unstable but Louis didn't care he just wanted to leave. He never wanted to even look at that Mcdonalds again. He longed to escape all of the pain and guilt.

He placed the key in the ignition and began driving home. There weren't many cars so the drive was alright but as Louis approached his street a lump formed in his throat.

" I cant fucking do this" Louis whispered to himself closing his eyes so tight that it hurt. He just sat there in his car, moving about 20 mph, his eyes still closed.

The next thing he knew he was unconscious.

He opened his eyes and was frightened by the piercing sound of a siren and the bright lights in his face. His entire body throbbed with pain and yet he couldn't really feel it. Louis felt like he was out of his body, floating. He wondered if he was dead.  A part of him wished he were. It would be so much easier if he were and he wouldn't have to face the repercussions of his poor choices. There were nurses crowded around him all talking gibberish to each other. Louis tried to stay awake but his conciousness was taken again and he drifted back asleep in the back of the ambulance