Always, You. {Billie Eilish Fanfic}

Chapter six

Billie's POV:

1 day ago

***

I'm sitting on my bed staring off into space, my freshly done nails cutting into just above my wrists as I wrap my hands around each other.

A small knock on my door pulls me out of my thoughts.

"Come in" I say, with no energy, still in another world.

Finneas enters slowly, popping his head in and then opening the door. He walks over to the edge of my bed and sits down next to me.

We're both silent for a moment before he speaks.

"We don't have to do this Bil" I shake my head knowing what his talking about.

Isabelle.

It's an unspoken subject around me. As you know, once Izzy left I fell into some pretty bad depression. I refused school, hardly ate, all I wanted to do was sleep.

Things were bad, but they slowly got better. My mom homeschooled me, which meant I had to exit my room while she taught. It made me have more of a routine, that helped.

I also went back to dance classes and put a lot more effort in, until I hurt myself and didn't want to ruin doing more damage than I had already. Therefore, I cut back again.

Then, there was music. My escape, my passion. I have always written music and sang, but once Izzy left my writing became more constant. More pained.

Finneas had already recorded ocean eyes, I remember that day still. Izzy and I were goofing around when Finn came into my room and asked for my help. I sang a few bars and he really liked it, so we recorded the whole song. While she was staring into my eyes, we had yet to confront what was happening between us.

She was my life.. she is my life. But things change.

My whole world changed when she left. I had to restart.

Now here I am, famous, or whatever. I'm still me, just differently. With so many more people to answer too and things to do. Fans that adore me. Life is simply.. different.

"Nah it's fine Finn. We have a lot on so it should take my mind off it...her". I state plainly.

He reaches over and grabs my hand closest to him. I sigh. My eyes well up with unshed tears.

"I don't know why you hired the private investigator Bil" Finn sighs too.

"You know why" Is all I say back. Trying not to let my tears spill down my cheeks.

"Wouldn't it have been better to not know where she lives though"

As we don't talk too much about Izzy, there's still a lot that I have done these past four years that people don't know the reasons or truths about. It's private, but more than that, I can't say things out loud. It still crushes me.

"No Finneas" I raise my voice slightly. I feel him flinch and squeeze my hand.

I know it's not his fault, I sigh again.

"I'm sorry- it's just, I needed to know she was safe. At least once I knew that, I could breathe a little easier".

"And besides, I didn't find out anything more than what city she lives in" i say with a shrug.

Finn nods in understanding.

It's true, I didn't find anything more out. Once the PI found Izzy, they were under strict instructions to tell me the city only.

I was told she lives in New York. I followed up with one more question, and that was; Is she safe? They told me yes. The day I found this out, I cried for hours in relief. The only person I told was Finneas because we were meant to be recording that day and I kept crying at random times through songs. Some outbursts were relief and others were that I was thinking of her and the memories we shared, which lead to silent tears. Finn was holding me at one point and I didn't even know it. So I had to explain why. He thought I got my heart broken from some new boy I had that month.

Anyway, New York is a big place, I am sure I wouldn't bump into her, so I have no idea why I am feeling the way I am.

Is it because knowing I am geographically closer to her?

I really don't know.

"Okay, well you need to finish packing. We have to be at the airport soon" he releases my hand and stands up from the bed.

"New York baby" he shouts when exiting. I giggle at his silliness.

Finneas was so excited we sold out the garden, I am too, we show it differently that all.

As I finish packing my mind races with things I have to do, and questions I have to ask my mom or management, but it still comes back to Isabelle. Like always. And the same question.

Why did she never reach out to me?

***

A/N:

Short one. Bit of background on Billie's POV.

Thanks for reading ✨