I was always the outcast.. I was always the one being told what to do..and what not to do.. I was always the person being troubled.. I couldnt do anything to stop it because I was the outcast. I was so deep in this hole and so fucking lost. I hate it here I am scared.. Im scared.. I was always rejected always mistreated and always misplaced misloved misused by so many people. My thoughts were always filled in trouble. And fear and always in regret. I couldnt stop the pain I couldnt stop feeling it. Because it would just hurt me more to even bother trying. I let my mind guide me through all these years. I reflect on my past.. I let people judge me.. use me and mistreat me.. I am a sweet bitter fragile girl.. I am so lost.. and so helpless and ao hopeless. This dark world awaits nothing more but pure curiosity.. as well as regret.. My name is Annabelle..and my story is far from concering.. my story is far from tragic.. and far from great. I lived with my parents.. and my parents always told me that I was going to make it.. I was going to be that "it" girl.. but they were wrong. I am nothing more.. I am worthless.. there is nothing great about me.. everyone thinks im bad.. everyone thinks im dumb.. and too neive.. I always try to make people smile but in return I get nothing back.. I get humilated.. my sweet soul is pure but people think its bitter.. I get mistaken for who I really am..but this story isnt just an ordinary one.. its the one where I have regrets.. and also this story is where my life began.. and I am writing it because I am the outcast.. there is nothing special about me..atleast people think that way.. I am bitter..full of trouble.. a mistake? A MISTAKE. a possible mistake to this world.. I am a loner.. and I cant do anything about it.. I am trapped in this world.. my heart.. and my soul... and I cant escape my reality.. I am bitter.. I am sweet.. I am sour.. I am anabelle.. and im the true outcast...
People always seemed to hate me.. If I was too fit or too small.. if my skirt is too short..or too long for my classes.. my teachers always hated me..they always hated the way I dressed..the way ny hair looked..they never would think about giving me good grades.. i always fell asleeo during my exams..and also during tests..wondering would it would be like to escape this world..escape this world with myself..or maybe even with someone.. So many thoughts raced through my head everday..every night.. ever single second..every single time I walked..pressing my feet on the soft carpet..on the concrete of my home..going through the halls.. my parents always judged me as well. They thought I was a disgrace..the things they saw me do..online..the type of person I was when I was away from them.. I wonder what it would be like if I could just escape..The world is already so troubling..so dark..and so output.. I believe that I personally do not belong.. I believe that I am not fit..nothing is right.. im either too much..too little or nothing at all. I seem to be rejected by almost everyone.. I have a few friends but I always wonder will they even care..will they still love me if they found out who I truly am...who I pretend to be..this fake smile i put on my face every single day.. I am worth it.. ofcourse I am..no no Anabelle.. you aren't.. your the regret that nobody can stand. Nobody can bother loving you..nobody can bother pleasuring you..your lustless.. your nothing..Anabelle..Anabelle.. its going through my head..all of these thoughts..thoughts of me..thoughts of what I will turn out to be.. I wonder what they will think.. I wonder if they will ever care.. I always wonder.. will they judge me.. unless im a whore..slut..stupid fucking disgrace.. i wonder... I am an true outkast..I am put on earth just to make everyone even more mad..even more scared..i shouls just leave..leave from this world..and escape... something..something is telling me that will be good for me..manipualated..mistreated..lied too.. rejected.. im the true outsider.. the true loner.. fuck..
People always knew me as the gullible and sick one..however people really never got the chance to actually view me from a different perspective.. I try so fucking hard.. I am not trying enough..well that is for some people.. People think the worst in me? They think im a mistake. Just a person that shouldnt belong? I try to fucking hard..but I only underatand..my diary understands..its the place where I put all of my regrets and fears in..the place where I am writing now.. I feel so hopless.. im just still continuing to wondering what they will think of me.. how they would feel if I was no longer here.. would they like it? Would they never care..
Poor me..poor anabelle.. Im dazing asleep I can keep writing my hands are shaking.. i can feel the tears falling down from my cheeks.. it hurts so much.. I cannot bare the pain anymore.. I cant bare being treated like this.. I am lost..a lost little girl.. in a lost world.. so broken.. I get laughed at all the time..who am i? What did I ever do to deserve this hatred...this mistreatment.. I dont deserve it all..my hands.. I am so tired.. my diary are you listening? Are you listening...please tell me you are..your the only one that is keeping me from not ending it all.....
