When We Met | Vkook

Guilty

I'm back with another update. This as well as the next chapter will deal with some strong themes relating to mental health and mental disorders. Please read only if you are comfortable to do so because your mental health is always the first priority! The views about therapy that I have mentioned do not hold true for all situations. Please seek help if you feel like you need it because therapy can do wonders as well.

If any of you are feeling down or just want to talk or vent, please don't hesitate to message me. I hope you all are doing well in the lockdown and I hope you like this chapter. 

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I didn't really know how many days had passed since my breakdown at school. It may have been a few days or a week or even more than that, time was no longer a clear concept to me. The monsters in my head, from whom I was trying to hide, caught up to me and devoured me whole. All that was left of me was a sorry excuse of the man I used to be, just a bunch of bones and muscles that held my body together because my mind had given up. It had run its final sprint and it had no energy to fight with the monsters anymore.

Jin and Namjoon asked me to consider getting therapy again but I didn't want to anymore. I didn't want to fight my past with some coping mechanisms a psychiatrist assigned me. Anyway, when I tried therapy a few years ago, it helped only minisculely. 

No amount of therapy could help until I accepted the demons in my head and dealt with them on my own. No psychiatrist could provide me mental peace until I vanquished the reason for the dark void in my head in the first place. I vowed to myself that this time around it would be different, this time I would end the beasts once and for all and the first step towards doing that would be telling Jungkook everything.

I knew that the duel between my mind and its demons will be much longer and harder this time around and it was only right for me to air it all out in the open and leave it to Kookie to decide if he wanted to stay. There would be no compulsion from my side because right now, even I wouldn't want to stay with me.

Acting on an impulse, I immediately called Jungkook but it went straight to voicemail. I switched my phone on to check the date and realized it was a Thursday, making it three days since I had gone to school. Namjoon had talked with Mr. Kwon about me taking an off for a few days. I knew it wasn't very professional to not show up for class less than a week after being appointed as a faculty but I was in no headspace to even think about teaching a class full of students at the moment. 

Not knowing what else to do till Jungkook got home, I caught up on some college studies I was lagging behind in. Studying music was like a recluse to me, it always felt like I was home when I was with music. It never felt like a chore that I had to complete. Rather, it was refreshing, like drinking chamomile tea on a winter night. 

I was so engrossed in the study material that I didn't even notice my phone buzzing till it rang the second time. Noticing that it was Jungkook, I quickly picked it up, holding my breath as I waited for him to speak first.